Thursday, September 25, 2014

Oh, It's a Perfect Day

Secret Agent Fred and I stumbled in to a little place we know for dinner tonight and while we were tucking in, a wheezy three piece combo in the room next door struck up.  I was willing to ignore them until I realized they were covering (or attempting to do so) Pink Floyd's Money.

From there on, it was just down hill, of course.  A Beatle's medley; something Fred claimed was from The Smiths (for which I took his word, since I hate all things Morrisey;) and finally the smooth jazz sound of Perfect Day.

I like Perfect Day very much, the mismatch between the song's cheery bubble of lalalalala and Lou Reed's kind of atonal drone.  I have always assumed it was something of a sneer on his part against the very sunny type of music it parodies so spot on.  And yet, it also seems to be his sincere appreciation of what a perfect day is: simple, unstructured but full, happy.  With you.

So to then hear it ground out by the very kind of band the underlying mockery is aiming at was not just ironic, but thought provoking.  Three hacks plodding through their set, stuck in a barful of people who wouldn't pay them any attention if their combined hair (which wasn't much) was on fire.  Did the band get the joke?  Is that why they were playing it?  Or had some snarky hipster requested it and then gone off to snicker at his musical wit.

You know there's that old joke that not that many people bought the Velvet Underground's music, but they all went right out and started their own band.  Maybe that's the drummer's story and he insisted on including it.  Maybe it's one twelve songs the keyboardist knows.  There are many possibilities.

Then when I was looking for a video to illustrate this post, I ran across this promo one from the BBC in 1997.  Again, it largely seems to miss out on the sarcasm I've always heard in the song, so maybe I'm just imagining it, bitter old queen that I am.  Still, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

The cast is certainly star-studded.  Of course, Bono makes an appearance.  Is there  ever one of these kind of things he misses out on?  But also, David Bowie, in an earring that, were he not a Big Star or if he had had a friend on hand, surely he would have been talked out of.

Also, (look quick or you'll miss them) Suzanne Vega, Doctor John (!), Emmylou Harris, sounding swell, and Tom Jones, who is not identified.  Did the BBC assume everyone would know who he is?  Maybe they were right.  Not to mention, Mrs. Lou Reed, Laurie Anderson, pixie-ish as ever.

I hope you enjoy it.  Try not to get stuck on Bowie's ear-bob.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

mrpeenee, Vampire Koala

ohmygosh, you guys, it turns out I have morphed into a koala bear.  Koalas sleep more than 20 hours a day, just like me, and are adorable.  Ditto.
Random koala or mrpeenee?  You decide.

Tragically, most certainly not mrpeenee.

The only difference is that the bears get lots of fresh air, what with being relegated to the outdoors, and exercise from falling out of eucalyptus trees and I, on the other hand, refuse to leave the house.  I'm sort of a shut-in koala, existing on cinnamon rolls and chocolate milk.  THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.  Mostly because I just finished off the last of the cinnamon rolls.

Also, I'm not sure how most koalas feel about mormon boy porn, but I am still all for it.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

In Which mrpeenee Struggles with the World of Internet Commerce

You are now connected to Amazon from
Me:On August 26, I had a chat session about the whirlpool bathtub I ordered. The person I chatted with claimed someone from "large purchases" would get back to me in 24 hours. It's been a week, no contact, so a) what's with that and b) where's my bathtub?
Amazon:Hello Gary, my name is Natally and I'm so sorry to hear that we where supposed to contact you and we didn't and the fact that you don't have your bathtub, let me see how i can help you
Amazon:just to verify the address we are supposed to send this bathtub is blah blah blah
Amazon:thank you, Gary please wait for me just a moment while i review your account really quick
Ok Gary, thank you for your patience, I actually need to connect you with one of my colleagues from the concierge dept because of the price of this bathtub, please hold while I connect you.
Gary are you there?
Me:yeah, it's not like I'm going to take a bath or anything.
Amazon:Thank you Gary just a moment
A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.
You are now connected to Ben from
Ben:I'm sorry that you have not gotten your bathtub yet, let me pull this order up and we'll see what's going on.
It looks like we are still working on acquiring the inventory to ship it out to you.
Me:what does that mean? I ordered this on July 19. When is the tub getting here.
Ben:We currently do not know. We're working on getting the inventory. It looks like it was out of stock when ordered and we've not been able to get another one quite yet. I'm sorry.
Me:It took amazon a month and a half to realize it was out of stock, I contacted you once already, and you're just now getting around to mentioning this?
Ben:I'm very sorry, from what I'm seeing on the details of the order, this was out of stock when you ordered it.
We did send you an update shortly after the order with an expected time that we could get this out to you. That was between August 18th and September 11th. I know that's a very long window, but when we're not sure when we're going to actually get them in, that does tend to happen.
Me:I'd like to point out Sept. 11 is nine days away. Are you saying the tub will be here then?
Ben:I cannot guarantee that, as it does not look like we've found a supplier yet, but it is not outside of the realm of possibilities. To be very honest, I doubt it.
Me:So, to summarize: Amazon's customer guarantees are worthless.
Ben:Not typically, but unfortunately in this case, it looks like we might actually not be able to make that date.
I can happily look into what's going on and why it's taking so long.
Of course, if you would like to cancel the order and go somewhere else, I'd completely understand.
Me:"Looking into it and finding out why it's taking so long" would be swell. In fact, many customers would assume that is what you would be already doing.
Ben:On the customer service end, that's not something that we generally handle. That's taken care of by our vendor managers and others in the procurement teams. But since I want to help you, I will do what I can to get you an answer, since they have not updated you.
Me:I'm in New Orleans. I can get a voodoo doll with "Procurement team" written on it without breaking a sweat and I suspect it would be just about as much help.
Ben:If that's what you feel you want to do, you're perfectly welcome to. I, on the other hand, am going to actually try to be helpful, if that's ok with you.
Me:Go to it. And reel in the snark while you're at it.
Ben:Honestly sir, I could say the exact same to you, but I did not mean to be snarky, so I apologize.
I'm typing up an email to the vendor manager in charge of that department.
Me:I look forward to hearing what you discover.
Ben:Would you prefer email or phone?
Me:email is fine. My address is
Ben:Awesome. I'll reach out to you as soon as I hear anything. I'm sorry that this is taking so long to get to you.
Me:Thank you and good day.

In Which We're Calling It In

In the middle of an unnecessarily annoying and complicated day last week, my phone decided to commit suicide. I was Ubering along playing Ya...