Friday, October 29, 2010

Haiku. Which I Keep Typing as Haiky, Dammit.

Our dear Diane sent us this charming haiku as a comment of her recent visit:

Orange kitty hair
on my grey flannel bathrobe:
Saki's legacy.

Isn't that sweet? It also serves to remind me that I have meant to revive my Auto Haiku Challenge as a way of raising the tone of this joint. I created the challenge awhile ago, here it is, along with my examples:

In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst movie you can think of. Bonus points if you have to show off your Google skills because you can’t remember the name of it and all you can come up with is that it features Roz Russell and Sandra Dee. Turns out it was some tripe called Rosie! Exclamation point the producers’ idea, not mine.

“Auntie Mame leavings.”

In seven syllables, no more, no less, describe your worst date. Bonus points if it was sordid. Subtract points if it sounds too much like an overweight fifteen year old Goth girl.

“He pushed my head down. I puked.”

In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst job you ever had. Extra bonus points if it consists of Grim. Taxi dancer. Miss Janey, I’m talking to you. I had a miserable spell where I sat all alone in an empty office, handing out the keys to various hell holes for rent around New Orleans. One Lady came back and complained there was no window in the kitchen, I pretended to sympathize and said something like “Yes it would be nasty to have no light and air in there.” She replied “No, hon, you don unnerstan. Dere’s a hole for de winna but ain’t no winna in it.”

“Slum lord in training.”

Put it all together and you have a haiku of life’s low points.

“Auntie Mame leavings.
He pushed my head down. I puked.
Slum lord in training.”

Now get to it, slacker bitches, report back and pass this along as a meme. Winners of the best response will be allowed to touch houseboy Valdemar Gunderus's Special Place.


  1. Deja vu...somehow I think I've done this already...hmmm...
    but what the hell, lemme give it another spin:

    Minelli Wedding
    Mechanical voicebox: "yessss"
    Catholic bookstore.

  2. Peter's Friends: "stinky"
    Pot brownies plus new people
    Proofing bank reports.

    It doesn't hold together well, but never let it be said I'm not up for a challenge!

  3. Oh. Jason. Oh, dear.

    How clever to start all the lines with P. As in P Nee.

  4. gypsy, white turkey?
    DRUNK. Old man attempted rape
    Baker's shoe sails

    gawd you are funny, PeeNee.

  5. Chanel comatose
    Jesus at Neil Young concert
    Insurance Law Death

    Probably not compelling.
    But it's the truth.
    Best wishes from Danville.

  6. Mars Attacks, STINKER
    With Methodist Minister
    Union ed peon

  7. Looks like you got SPAMed by Khmer news, too.

  8. Michael; yawn, walk out
    Waffle House and Lycra Mess
    Printing plastic bags.

    Thanks for making me laugh, Mr. Peenee!

  9. This requires too much thinking for an early a.m. comment.

    So let's move on to that houseboy of yours. FUCK. ME. HARD. Just sayin'...

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. Miss J nearly fell off her chair at the sight of the new header.

  12. Pennies From Heaven
    Climaxing Penis Blood
    Plastic Resin Crap

  13. Can I keep houseboy until a winner is decided? I promise to only speak in iambic pentameter.

  14. The Oscar was lame
    Mortician arrives in hearse
    Modeling Teacher.

  15. Anything with Meg.
    Narcissistic disorder.
    Making pizza pie.


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