Monday, July 25, 2011

True Blood, Fake Accents

So I went crawling back to Comcast. Yes, it's true. Last April I tossed their sorry ass out, made a bunch of big talk about "I don't need you, bitch" and now I am back in bed with Satan's own minion.

And why? Alcide from True Blood, that's why.

Who could say no to all that? Certainly not me. As fond as I am of porn, I have never seen any smutress who can stack up to Joe Manganiello. His only drawback is his last name, which just took me three cracks to type correctly.

Anyway, I watched it last night. Specifically, the episode where Eric, the big blond Alex Skarsgaard (again with the fucked-up last name. Is that a requirement for this show?) vampire runs off and winds up facing down Alcide. Both of them naked. Plus Alcide growls and flexes his big square man tittties. Could any scene be more thrilling? I'm considering canceling all my porn subscriptions,

I'm also considering watching all future episodes on mute because the fucking dreadful fake Southern accents are so bad they make my teeth hurt. The producers apparently have been watching far too many reruns of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof because everyone on the show sounds like Judith Anderson in that.

There is a wide range of accents in Dixie and while none of them are the gumbo that pours out of True Blood actors' mouths, what these misguided souls seem to be winding up with is more northern Alabama and Georgia, sort of a faux-Atlanta drawl. Let me tell you, honey chile, the fine folk out of the swamps of southern Louisiana do not sound like they're looking for Tara. In fact, southern Louisiana doesn't even sound like northern Louisiana, which is a lot closer to east Texas. And the fake genteel ones of the rich characters is just the worse. They all seem to have watched one too many reruns of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

So will I continue watching? Of course. I haven't even mentioned Ryan Whosits, Jason Stack house.


  1. I was going to say something but I thought I'd take one more look at that picture of Joey M....
    Now I can't think.

  2. Dare I say this, nut asides from look at these men with fabulous bodies (and remember they are paid to be in that kind of shape) I could never get into the whole Vampire trend. Just too much disbelief for me to suspend. But one of my bosses - the one who thinks that he is the last word in cutting culture - thinks we should all have to watch it.

    Personally, I rather wtach a dirty filthy hand balling video.

  3. So... which 3 cracks did you take?

  4. I AGREE honey chile!

    I really hate it when people try to mock my accent, they actually try to do this to my face. There's something charming about a southern accent. I think it's the part where I speak distinctly with authority and conviction that makes them mock it.

    The only people who get it right are the British. Something similar in the accent.

  5. alcide's photo is on the inside of my color cabinet at work. i haven't taped a photo of a guy onto a wall since mark lindsay of paul revere & the raiders.
    and what was i, 10?

  6. Me also! I hate the evil Comcast, but first I needed to see Mildred Pierce & then drop it, then there was Bill Maher, & now my favorite show- TRUE BLOOD.

    My Louisiana accent is spot on.

  7. You people and your television!

  8. WOW, do you eva noew yoe suthun accints!

    I am from Lake Charles, La. You are right, but do you remember the first year's killer....that man talked exactly like ma diddy. Texas twange, with a hint of slow and those hard french "o's. LOL

    Ya'll probably know, he lived with a real cajun to study his accent.

    I'm with you, is there a man in that show that isn't delicious? I think I'll let Mr. Ball pick my next lover.

    Now you've a comment from a wonderful actor from Portland, and me, a vrai- cajun

    Thanks for the blog- Tim in the Loire

  9. Put it on mute.

    It helps everything, right?

    Of course that man's body has me swooning and fanning away the vapuhs, sugar.

    So maybe it's all his fault.

  10. Oh honey, the acting and accents in that show are dreadful! Truly dreadful. Yet I watch it anyway. And just got the first of the season in which our werewolf appears. Now I know what I have to look forward to!

  11. PUH-leez! That smirk needs to be slapped off his face with a coal shovel. And those abs look so artificial and plastic that I'd expect to see a Hasbro or Mattel logo molded into one of his butt cheeks.

    The vampires/werewolves/zombies thing is getting stale again. Time for a good remake of "Cat People" or "Creature from the Black Lagoon" to freshen things up a bit.

    And to echo Princess (somewhat) . . . whose three cracks did you take??

  12. I'm heading over to Cookie's to watch the dirty filthy hand balling video.

  13. Are the southern accents worse than Brad Pitt's in "Benjamin Button"?


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