I was so close. For the last couple of years I have celebrated making it all the way to Christmas without being subjected to any Christmas music. I know being so hostile to the mewling tunes of this joyful season makes me an easy target for people wanting to call me a misanthropic grinch. Fuck that. It's only that I am willing to say out loud what everyone else is thinking.
This year seemed to be shaping up for yet another Xmas uninfested by Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed-Reindeer and the like. Since I pretty much go nowhere except my bathroom and Peet's Cafe (and they have totally gotten on board the no Christmas music train) I felt safe, foolishly safe. I would just slide through what Jon, from Give Em the Old Razzle Dazzle, calls the festering season without my ears being punished.
And then I had to go see my doctor. What was waiting for me there? Guess. I opened their door and was confronted with Andy Williams, Perry Como, and Nat King Cole crooning fucking carols. And not just any carols, but the insipid, saccharin version.
Ugh, this is already been a difficult year. I should have known.
Guys to soothe your holiday battered earholes:
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Boys #3.4 &6 have already soothed the fact that I have heard Mariah-fucking-Carey, too soon, without being able to smash anything. Festering Season, indeed! The next person I see in an "amusing" knitted jumper with reindeer on it gets a head-butt, and you are my alibi. OK? Jx
ReplyDeleteYou can count on me, I am willing to swear to anything.
ReplyDeleteOr swear at anything.
DeleteAnonymous, too
That too, motherfucker.
DeleteUp until this very moment I'd completely forgotten about the Christ tunes that would pour out of the speakers every year the day after Thanksgiving. It was de rigueur at any salon I ever worked at. Since I'm in my own little room-ette, I listen to & watch whatever the fuck I want.
ReplyDeleteIt's perfect.
The Salons of Christmas sounds like a Hallmark movie waiting to happen.
DeleteI also thought I had escaped the worst of the Xmas music. I could stomach what little I did hear. Then, in the supermarket, I heard "Sleigh Ride," but the version wasn't too bad. The next day, I heard the most saccharine version of that song that I've ever heard. Now I can't get that goddamn earworm out of my head. Not even the darkest, wildest, and/or filthiest stuff in my music collection helped!
ReplyDeleteI'll take any of the last four models and go lie down until this season ends.
Anonymous, too
There is no escape, I am now resigned to it.
DeleteI hope at least your doctor came through with what you needed!
ReplyDeleteShe sort of did, I'll expand on that in next week's blog.
DeleteI have managed to avoid Christmas music to date. My next door neighbor’s son liked to have a radio tuned to all Christmas music playing 24 hours a day on the front porch along with the decorations. I asked to be spared this year. I have been.
ReplyDeleteNonstop outdoor carols sound like some overly aggressive defense against homeless people.
DeleteWe need to wear those noise cancelling headphones, the sort autistic people wear to stop themselves spazzing out in supermarkets. Talking of supermarkets there is one I frequent that plays the most irritating Christmas noise I've ever heard called Suzy Snowflake, every time I hear it I get the urge to take all the tins out my trolley and dint them on my head, I don't know who the bitch is singing it, but I hope she's dead. Did you see Mariah Carey's recent lack lustre performance the fat cow?
ReplyDeleteI missed Mariah's oinkfest, but I would rather see it repeatedly then listen to anything called Suzy Snowflake.
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