Thursday, September 1, 2011


Tomorrow is garbage day here in the beloved canyon mrpteene calls home, so that means tonight is Put the Goddam Trash Out Before Your Forget It Again night and all up and down the street the raccoons are singing their weekly songs of love and snack foraging. Have you ever heard raccoons? They make this weird, high-pitched chittering that sounds like when the aliens are chatting in some cheap sci-fi horror.

All of this winds Saki, the Evil and Adorable cat, into a frenzy, thrashing about the room claiming he can take those stupid critters, just let him at 'em. After about twenty minutes of this while I'm trying to concentrate on porn, I'm considering giving him his wish, but these raccoons are about five times as big as he is and fearless. Apparently that comes from living on a diet of tamales past their sell-by dates. I've seen these bad boys as I've been driving up to the house and I've been scared, in the car. They look like they know how to pick locks. If you want us, the houseboys and I will huddled in terror in the attic.

Break it down, houseboy, break it down.


  1. Here in Edinburgh, we have city foxes. And they eat cats!

  2. There's a reason raccoons wear masks.

    It's so they can't get picked out of a line-up.

  3. i fed a wounded raccoon a few years ago.

  4. Racoons have no fear. Back when I had a cat that lived outdoors and I had food outside, they'd come up to eat at night (because the cat was a dainty eater)and, when I go out to shoo them off, they'd look at me with "What? WHAT? You want to tangle with ME sister?" attitude. Thus, why my cats live inside now.


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