Monday, December 22, 2014

Season's Beatings

A dear old friend from our misspent college days in Austin appeared here in town and we got together for coffee, then lunch, then drinks and wrapped up with dual manicures.  It was the ultimate Ladies Who Lunch sort of experience and quite amusing.

As such things will do, the conversation eventually drifted over to masturbation.  Doesn't it always?    A problem with consistently making an idiot of myself is that people don't know when I'm being serious, so when I announced "I think masturbation is life affirming," our dear old friend just laughed, but I wasn't joking.  Spanking one's monkey is pleasure for pleasure's sake and what could be more life affirming than that?  For once, you're not trying to prove anything to anyone, no one is keeping score, all the crap that keeps you down is momentarily put aside in favor of me, myself and I: my favorite three musketeers.  Nothing but you and whatever filth your id feels like dredging up.

Still, word has reached us that some consider the art of self love with distaste.  I say if God was against jacking off, why would he provide us with opposable thumbs and porn?  Are these people waiting for permission?  If so, mrpeenee hereby grants you the right too all the squeeze play you want.  So here's to lightening the load.  Go ahead and rub one out right now.  Think of this as my christmas present to all of you.

Joyeux Noël

17 comments:

  1. I was getting a little Woodrow reading this post and then you gave me permission, now I'm uptight & outtasight... I guess I need the guilt and shame just to perform, forbidden fruit & all that.
    (I saved the tasty picture for later though)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whatever works for you. I prefer the imbalance of power between a rich old man and a muscled and affordable youth, but that's just me.

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  2. You forgot to mention the added benefit of hand-warming, although precum can make things tricky during subzero photographic adventures.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I regard your frisky snowman work as nothing short of superhuman.

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  3. I like to think of it as "meditation"
    Why I haven't manifested that model inti my bedroom yet I'm not sure

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  4. Jacking off? Between my tryst I get more than enough of my time in doing it. I regard it as a art form!!!! Btw, I be been enjoying you lovely post on the redo of your New Orleans home. Stunning!!!!!!! And I must say exquisite taste on selections. Will you be jacking off on the sofa?????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you out of your mind?!?!? That couch cost more than my first apartment did. Besides you know what sticky stain jizz is.

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  5. I'm black and blue all over with my daily beatings.

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  6. dear mr. peenee- he never takes, only gives.

    a joyous jack-off to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  7. “Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”

    I'm with Woody Allen on that one. Happy Wank-mas! Jx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you sweetie. While I agree with the sentiment, I really find it hard to think of Woody Allen and masturbation together. Ick.

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  8. Alles Gute zum Neuen Jahr, Mr Peenee !
    Good luck with the house and all.

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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