Diana Vreeland, a goddess who moved among mere mortals, wrote a column called "Why Don't You..." for Harper's Bazaar that was a source for insane ideas, because, apparently, some people can’t come up with their own. Among them:
“Why don’t you tie big tulle bows on your wrists instead of bracelets?”
“Why don’t you have your guests autograph a mirror-covered table with a diamond tipped pin?”
and my fave
· “Why don’t you wash your blond children’s hair in dead champagne as they do in France?”
which I always accidentally invert to the much creepier “…wash your dead children’s hair….”
Vreeland fascinates and inspires me the way professional football playing thugs apparently inspire straight boys. She ordered Billy Baldwin to decorate her home all in red, like “a garden in hell”; she created the Met’s Costume Institute; she painted her ears with rouge (is that true? I’ve always heard it, but don’t know and don’t really want to know differently. I retract the question.)
I once had a dream, a nightmare, really, wherein someone corrected me by saying “O honey. It’s not Diana Vreeland it’s Donna Vreeland” and I was overcome with mortification. I have never before or since been embarrassed in a dream, not even the walking-around-Kmart-in-my-underwear ones, but I was there. Thank god it was just a dream. I don’t think I would want to live in a world where such a vivid icon was named Donna.
I gotta go
“Why don’t you tie big tulle bows on your wrists instead of bracelets?”
“Why don’t you have your guests autograph a mirror-covered table with a diamond tipped pin?”
and my fave
· “Why don’t you wash your blond children’s hair in dead champagne as they do in France?”
which I always accidentally invert to the much creepier “…wash your dead children’s hair….”
Vreeland fascinates and inspires me the way professional football playing thugs apparently inspire straight boys. She ordered Billy Baldwin to decorate her home all in red, like “a garden in hell”; she created the Met’s Costume Institute; she painted her ears with rouge (is that true? I’ve always heard it, but don’t know and don’t really want to know differently. I retract the question.)
I once had a dream, a nightmare, really, wherein someone corrected me by saying “O honey. It’s not Diana Vreeland it’s Donna Vreeland” and I was overcome with mortification. I have never before or since been embarrassed in a dream, not even the walking-around-Kmart-in-my-underwear ones, but I was there. Thank god it was just a dream. I don’t think I would want to live in a world where such a vivid icon was named Donna.
I gotta go
This reminds me, once several years ago on the Martha Stewart show, she said "A moss garden in an antique urn. You should do it!"
ReplyDeleteBecause, of course, the moss was collected from different parts of her estate, and the urn was over 300 years old!
In a Dames and Divas Deathmatch between Martha and Diana, one can only imagine, gleefully, Ms. Vreeland slaughtering the little shiksa and then decorating an urn with her remains.
ReplyDeleteNow *that*, Mrpeenee, is a day dream worth contemplating.
ReplyDeleteMiss Vreeland would take her deep red lipstick, and take a swipe at each cheek and flick each ear with it... and then schmear for a genuine outdoorsy effect.
ReplyDelete"contentment, that's only for the cows" –D.V.