How sweet it is to have dear friends like Secret Agent Fred, friends who confirm that one is not alone in the cold heartless universe. Just the other day at lunch he revealed that he had been yelled at by some hopped up crackhead stranger on the street and it was the exact same day that I had been yelled at by some stranger in the Safeway parking lot, albeit one of the crazy old lady variety. But still, it's like we're bound by Karma.
I was just trundling back to my car with a cart full of catfood when my path intersected the old bat who shrieked "I don't have any peripheral vision." For a cloudy instant (cause, as usual, I was not paying attention) I thought she was trying to make conversation with me, in a loud, rude sort of way. Maybe that's how she picks up guys, I don't know. I suppose I could have replied "My cat has gas," but then I realized she was rebuking me, so it's just as well. Did I mention the huge ass Darth Vader sunglasses?
I made my patented noise I always do in these situations, which is somewhere between "Sorry" and "Uhh" but by then she had moved on. Also by then I realized that the Safeway parking lot is not in a particularly pedestrian friendly part of town. Sure enough, I watched her climb into her Pontiac/Buick/Oldsmobile/Whatever Death Machine. I got the hell out of there; I did not want to share the road with Old Lady Magoo if I could help it.
This evening, Fred also sent us a bunch of old pictures he's taken over the years of me and R Man together. They included this one demonstrating my super power of holding in my gut while walking. It was very sweet of him. That queen is a paragon of friendship. Girlfriendship, in fact.
Also, not from Fred, but part of our extensive Houseboy files.
Last time I was in San Francisco a hygiene-challenged fellow got in my face and said I look like a woman.
ReplyDeleteLast time I was in San Francisco a hygiene-challenged fellow got in my face and said I look like a woman.
ReplyDeleteI told you not to leave the house without your Spanx on.
ReplyDeleteThat IS with my Spanx on.
ReplyDeleteyou need to find that old twat
ReplyDeleteagain & snap a peripheral photo.
People on the street are just getting ruder and ruder. And don't start me on idiots talking loudly on mobiles. I don't need to hear about their latest medical results, or the gripping plot line of the soap they watched on telly last night... All shared in the privacy of a train carriage...
ReplyDeleteTrue friends are a blessing.
ReplyDeleteTrue friends are a blessing.
ReplyDeletePhoto caption --
ReplyDeletePeenee: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
RMan: "You ate it. And don't you dare ralph on me."
Peenee: "Burrrrrrrrp!"
RMan: "I can't take you anywhere, can I?"
That's what friends are for...(As sung by Dionne Warwick, Elton John, and whoever else was available that day.)
ReplyDeleteMad old people come out with the best insults, I once saw this old woman riding a mobility scooter going hell for leather on the pavement yelling "Get out my way you noodle doodle heads" That couldn't be bettered by any rational mind.
ReplyDeleteThat's a natty shirt and accessories combo on RMan. He looks a stylish fellow indeed!
ReplyDeletebecause i love you and you love me - please clone that fred child immediately. i shall make monthly payments to you.
ReplyDelete