Monday, February 27, 2012

You Go, I'll Stay

I stopped going to movies a couple of years ago. I'm not sure why; they just seemed more trouble than they're worth. Strange considering how wild I was for them when I was younger. I remember when the first multiplexes opened, I would sometimes wander in and go watch whatever was starting. Today, though, I actually went all the way downtown all by myself, just like a big boy, to see Hugo. After a hiatus of movie watching as long as mine, this might not have been the strongest choice, but maybe it was sort of easing back into the habit, I'm not sure.

I had gotten the impression Hugo was a dazzling steampunk adventure; instead it turned out to be a very well made, insipid little movie. Steampunk? Not so much. After about the third scene of the little kid running through the big giant gears, I asked myself "When is this actualy going to start?"

And was that Jude Law? I guess when you're Martin Scorcese you can dial up just about anybody you want for what was essentially a cameo. "Yeah, come on in Jude, well get you out in time for your dentist appointment this afternoon, promise."

Also, 3-D seems like as big a disappointment this time as it was in the 50s. Certainly in the big, rushing-through-the crowd shots I couldn't ever figure what I was looking at.

I did like the lovely homage to the early days of film making, with the studios of French cinema pioneers recreated and scenes both as they would have been shown and how they were made. And I have a crush on Sacha Baron Cohen so OK for him in his tight blue velour pants.

You know what I think would have made the whole thing much more worthwhile? Big titties.


  1. Perhaps I'll see it someday, and I agree, there has been nothing that I have wanted to see a a movie theater for years..... If something really is good, I will view it eventually...

  2. I thought it was as lovely children's film.

    Keep you fingers off Baron Cohen... he is mine.

  3. Agree on the movie-going. It usually takes some ginormously effects-heavy, well-scripted, well-cast, sci-fi or disaster-movie extravaganza to make me pay the ticket prices and put up with the other theater-goers. Otherwise, why bother? I can wait until it's out on cable or DVD. . .for less than the price of a theater ticket!

    Strangely, you've never seemed to be a tits man to me. Just can't picture you drooling over the stars of "Myra Breckenridge," "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas," or "Beyond the Valley of the Super-Vixens!"

  4. P.S.: A crush on Sacha Baron Cohen??!? Quick, someone fetch me the Pepto before I. . .HHWWARRRFFFFF!

  5. Is there a film that a little pectoral - or even, in a pinch, mammary - action couldn't improve? Why didn't Colin Firth strip off in The King's Speech? Why doesn't Hugh Jackman just play every part starkers? Why isn't John Abraham a global megastar?

    I'll never understand Hollywood...

  6. You know what would be great? A steampunk Hugh Jackman/John Abraham bromance. With show tunes.

    1. They could remake The Dolly Sisters. With more fucking.

  7. Funny, the planned sequel to Hugo is called 'Big Titties.'

  8. Chris Evans massive chesticles haunt me. Makes me wonder what his gay brother is like and whether he has fantasies about his brother's chest like I do.

  9. I have a real problem with coke swilling, popcorn throwing, chat at the top of your voice, smartphone fingering teens that couldn't give a toss about the fact that some of us attend the cinema to actually try and watch what is on the movie screen...Go Figure?
    Thank goodness for DVD's

    More tits on show might coax me out of my cave though!

  10. Damnit, I'm getting Hugo tomorrow from Netflix and I was so looking forward to it. But thanks for reeling in my expectations.

  11. Oh I can't wait for the Steampunk Bromance: "Dr. BigTittie's Fantastical Adventure, part 2"!
    In Three (double) D!

  12. kabuki is working on a biopic of a well known hollywood leading man. tentatively called 'tits all folks' (yes its about porky pig)

  13. Gum drop nipples are a requirement, of course.

  14. I do prefer pink nipples to the brown ones.


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