Monday, September 10, 2012

Groceries and Drama

So very much NOT what mrpeenee's Friday night looked like.

Secret Agent Fred and I caught up over lunch on Friday, discussing the political conventions, ramifications of our on-going struggle against the patriarchal norm and why they were so few cute boys out in the Castro.  Afterwards, we considered going out for drinks (always an amusing prospect with Fred,) but I was feeling feeble and my back achey, so I begged off and offered to drive him over to his boyfriend's house.  Fred has been staying there on and off over the last few months and renting his own stylish pied a terre on Air BnB.  It's been working well, Fred needs the money and tourists get the thrill of crashing in Fred's studio.  Fred will assure you, very firmly, he's located not in the the Tenderloin, but on the fringe of Nob Hill, sort of the Tender Nob, heehee.

So we went wheeling off to the boyfriend's place and on the way there, I recalled the new Whole Foods had just opened, sort of nearby and I dragged Fred off for an inspection.  Too late, I realized I had traded Fred's suggestion of an evening of society and high life for one consisting of grocery shopping.  I know that awful harridan MJ from Infomaniac is always harping on what a musty old fussbudget I am, but never had I been forced to see how close to the truth she might be until the evening found us yukking it up in the produce aisle.  I saw myself as just one fluffy miniature poodle short of truly becoming a creaky Old Mary.

On the bright side, they had nectarines on sale.

After we checked out, I ferried Fred on over to Duane's and came home to brood.  How had I, the terror of French Quarter cocksuckers during the reign of Depeche Mode, turned into such a frump?  Turned out I didn't have long to think about it cause Fred called to announce he had broken up with his boyfriend and needed a place to stay.  So now we have house guests, Saki and I, which is fine with me, I adore Fred, but Saki is so not feeling the love about Fred's cat.

I know from experience the best role in breakups is to be supportive, but to try not to vent about how you always knew the ex was no good and sort of fatuous and dressed funny.  As soon as you go down that road, reconciliations on their part become so uncomfortable.  I remain loving and nonjudgmental.  Saki just wants the brown bedroom with its attached bath back as part of his territory.

Also, let me be clear Fred seems to be doing OK with all this, sad, but not heartbroken.  Apparently it's been in the works for a while and I know it's always easier to be the dumper than the dumped.  Still, I worry that this is all my fault.  Am I to blame for exposing Fred to the fast lane life of Whole Food's baked goods department?  The timing seems terribly fraught.


  1. Perhaps Saki could room with Duane?

  2. just just can't stand to see another person happy, can you? Probably been planning the Whole Foods debauchery for months. You are a wicked, wicked man. And kabuki admires that.

  3. your membership has been approved and your
    "creaky old mary decoder ring" is already in the mail to you!

  4. WhatWhatWhat???

    And new WF? Where?

  5. oh no!!!!!

    See, this is why you should never go to Whole Foods.
    It's clearly all their fault.

  6. My condolences to Fred and to Saki. (Evil and adorable one, try to be good. You're helping to keep one of your fellow cats literally off the streets and out of the shelters. This can only help your plans for world domination.)

    Mr. P., I want to know how you can afford Whole Paycheck, to say nothing of being able to afford much hilarity in Whole Paycheck. And I think you're about 3 poodles, a dozen cats, and 2 dozen muu-muus or cheap Herculon toupees short of being a creaky old Mary!

  7. From Lucy to Ethel in one quick episode.

    1. Dear Thombeau, is it true you took only one commercial break to go from Gladys Kravitz to Endora? Or was it the other way around? I forget since Esmerelda mis-cast that spell. . .;-)!

  8. Why blame Whole Foods?

    The fault clearly lies with the nectarines.

  9. I love the word fussbudget. Let's bring back more of these nuggets.
    Really sorry to hear about the divorce. Will there be a divorce party?

  10. Great writing, man.
    EFFing GREAT writing, Mr. P.
    Articulate in a vast field of Inarticulates Posting.
    I read you for the [articles]writing, not the pictures.
    :) Love, Mo in KCMO

    1. Wow. thanks. If you knew how embarrassed I am by some of these gassy efforts, you'd understand how much I appreciate your comment


    P: hope you can hear this superb cut about break-ups.
    Mo in KCMO


    so sorry: try this link to Ebo.


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