Monday, September 24, 2012

Just Calm Down

I would just like to point out that even though I am the blogger who had to escape from a white trash childhood in Texas, it is my readers from presumably more civilized backgrounds and current locations who have so enthusiastically jumped on the "Kill the raccoons and eat them" bandwagon in my earlier Fucking Raccoons post.

Who knew I had a bunch of Jethro Bodine fans as commenters?



Also, this just in, if you Google "Shirtless hillbilly" in order to find an image to illustrate a post like this, you are going to be immersed in a universe of some really scary photos.  And also, Alexander SkarsgĂ„rd, which is always welcome, but seems sort of unfair.

19 comments:

  1. i don't believe i ever blogged about my raccoon experience.

    pulled into the driveway one night scaring a raccoon who was obviously wounded. he hobbled out of sight.

    i made a point to watch out for him and found he was residing by my house, hobbling here & there. i couldn't imagine he was getting any food so i began leaving fluffernutters....that's right, fluffernutters and water for him, which he seemed to gobble up. banana's too.

    i think the poor thing really won my heart was when i found him sleeping by a spotlight (for warmth) near the house.

    i found a humane society that helps wild animals(!) and they supplied me with a large trap and i snagged him. sadly, when they got him back to the hospital, they said he'd been hit and was too broken to save.

    the thought of cooking him never crossed my mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But you had spent all that time fattening him up with fluffernutters.

      Delete
    2. peenee: i'd like to extend a dinner invitation to you, we're having my signature sandwich.

      mj: it's about time someone recognized this!

      Delete
    3. Norma, darling, if you hadn't thought of cooking that racoon. . .

      . . .what, exactly DID you think of doing with him?

      Then again, I'm not sure I want to know. Everything I've eaten over the past week may want to come back up for a return visit . . . (urrrrrp!).

      Delete
  2. Well, a week of hurricane evacuation stuck in a trailer in the very bosom of ones white trash forebears will make a soul revert.
    Quick like too.
    That's my excuse at least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure it must have been terribly difficult for a sensitive soul such as you. Did they make possum jambalaya? That's my favorite.

      Delete
  3. it's just like kabuki says "I guess we just can't have nice things". kabuki weeps over the thought of someone eating this animal, who really makes a lovely jacket.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Their tails are striped, you know. I'm thinking a hoodie with a fur edging.

      Delete
  4. They'd also make good trim for the hood on a parka. . .though I still think you'd look fetching in a Davy Crockett cap. Maybe with a matching muff to keep your hands warm in the winter.

    And just think how a mounted raccoon head would look over the mantle! It'd be sure to get Chez Peenee featured in Martha Stewart Living -- even if you didn't get it rigged to "talk" when you activated the remote control. . . .

    ReplyDelete
  5. Even though I live a very chic erudite beach side lavishness, I am after all from Mississippi. I still kill varmints and vermin the way my granny taught me. I could ring a chicken or butcher a hog if I were really pressed at a dinner party that was shorthanded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very comforting to me, in a disturbing sort of way.

      Delete
    2. Mr. P, don't knock it. The best fried chicken I've ever had was made by one of my dad's aunts in Kentucky. She just went out her back door, chose the chicken she thought would taste best, chopped its head off with a hatchet, (additional gory steps here), and turned out a fried chicken dinner that would have made both Colonel Sanders and Julia Child blush with shame. Her secret? "First, you gotta get the right kind of chickens to raise. . ."!

      Delete
  6. I Googled "Shirtless hillbilly" and found a photo of Erik Estrada.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You could dine on him back by the cement pond.

    ReplyDelete
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