Tuesday, October 16, 2012

M, Our 1,000th Post and mrpeenee, Destroyer of Slugs

I have a striking addition to the garden, a variegated Brugmansia.
Our heroine in February

Nowadays.  Please note chewed-the-fuck-up leaves.
I was very struck by it when we met at the nursery cause I had never seen a variegated one before.  Beautiful big chartreuse and lemon yellow leaves, someday it will be seven feet tall with huge, salmon pink drooping blossoms.  It's already doing quite well, pretty much tripling in size since last spring, despite some pest chewing up its big leaves.

That's why when I saw this banana slug (one of the goddess's most grotesque grotesqueries) loitering near it this morning, with a completely unconvincing air of innocence, I moved to destroy Mr. Slug without a moment's hesitation.  Mercy is not an option when it comes to protecting my broadleaved semi-tropical darlings.

Slug, meet salt.

Salt, meet slug.
You know how to kill a slug?  You either can feed it to your duck, and had I duck I would have, or you can pour salt on it.  The slug dissolves into a goo slime, hopefully in a spasm of agony.  I would feel some compunction about this if it hadn't been feeding on one of my plant favorites and besides, how much sympathy can you muster for a creature whose camouflage seems to consist of passing for a fresh cat turd?

And yes, one thousand posts down.  Who'd a thunk it?

How many Houseboys with big tits and bulging baskets does this make?  More than we could want to count.

22 comments:

  1. My Great Aunt Alice does this to her slugs, she says it gives her a thrill like no other. I thought I had slugs in my bedroom at one time, as I noticed silvery trails on my bedroom curtains glistening in the morning light, it turned out to be one of my ex husbands who used to wipe his cock on them. Have you tried the beer trap? excellent technique for committing mass murder.

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    1. I trust that particular ex-husband is still missing, although presumed dead.

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  2. I want this house boy. Yummy!

    About ten years ago in Ohio we had an outbreak of Leopard Slugs. They were like the banana slugs, but variegated in color. I salted everyone of them that I could find. One night we came home from seeing friends at their house and as we pulled into the driveway the headlights lit up the garage door and there appeared to be the biggest of the lot. It turned out to be two slugs, entwined: slug sex? Yeah, they got salted, too.

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  3. How about wearing one of these gorgeous aren't they?

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  4. I always save my beer backwash for them (a whole teaspoon after a night of drinking). Suicide is painless, at least for my slugs...

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  5. with the obligatory thousandth post fete, might you also include a [slug] fest?

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  6. Just exercising your right and demonstrating your superiority,

    "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."

    I know I've experienced my share of them that creepeth.

    Leaving the salted, pussing, husk of a slug on display sends a clear message to other garden creatures. Your houseboy should be concerned.


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  7. There are few things in this world more repulsive than slugs. Verily, they are the creepieth things that doth creepeth. Especially slugs who are helping their selves to our lovely, hard earned gardens. Nothing is bad enough for them.

    I've used both the salt and the beer methods with great success. But I do hate disposing of their disgusting, gelatinous carcasses afterwards. Blecccchhhh!

    Congratulations on your 1000th post!!

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    Replies
    1. Marie is my new favorite person, for she useth the word "verily" and correctly, at that.

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    2. Oh, Cookie, I blush! Using obscure words correctly in sentences is one of the few benefits of being an English major. And I was inspired by ayeM8y.

      Cookie, you, your blog and some of your own favorites (such as this one) are also now my new favorites. Erudite and funny = irresistible!

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    3. "Verily, they are the creepiest things that creep" is correct. The -eth ending was/is only for the third person SINGULAR, as in "he creepeth."

      For centuries, England was divided between those using -s at the end of third person singular verbs, and those using -eth. The latter was particularly strong in East Anglia. Ultimately, in the 18th century, -s won out.

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  8. we used to put beer out in the garden...and they'd be trapped there, drunk and vulnerable.

    Oh wait, you meant slugs...not houseboys, didn't you?

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  9. Your visitor reminds me of a supervisor I once had. . . and who I wish I could have buried in a metric shit-ton of salt!

    British acquaintances once assured me that setting out pie tins of beer will entice slugs and snails to their doom. (They told me this only after I had done a tarantella on a bunch of snails on their patio. Crunch. Crunch. Crunchety-crunchy-crunch.) Don't waste money on good beer for the slime factories; instead, buy the cheap crapola your local gas station or bodega has marked down for clearance.

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    1. P.S.: If Saki's turds EVER look like that, it's time to rush him to the vet!

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  10. One thousand posts?

    Pffffffffffffftttt.

    Call me when you've reached 2,624.

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    Replies
    1. I'm going to go find 1,625 pictures of wrinkly old men flashing their very unattractive bits and catch up RIGHT NOW.

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    2. Catty bitch.

      Congrats, by the way.

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  11. Elf Mabrouk - a thousand congratulations - as we say in my part of world, carissimo, on your Blog-Millenium. I envy your bravery, but thankfully we are spared in the Sandlands from horrors like slugs. Instead we get geckos, who are really rather endearing...

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    1. . . .unless they are selling car insurance. I would love to see the gecko doing so for a U.S. insurer into a watch strap or trim for a coin purse!

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  12. A thousand posts! My, aren't we prolific! Congrats.

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