Thursday, May 23, 2024

In Which Credit Is Taken

Financial advice from mrpeenee

So every year or two, some evil little troll manages to get their grubby paws on my credit card number.  They then go on some low-level spree buying all kind of odd crap.  The first time this happened, they bought antique dolls and a topaz bracelet.  Mostly I was offended at the idea of brown jewelry being attached to my credit.  

Usually when this happens, my credit card company will contact me about some particularly suspect purchase (I should note, I legitimately make plenty of suspect purchases so good for them for parsing out the criminal ones.)  After I testify that I have never heard of the criminous business involved nor did I make that charge, the credit card guys cancel my card and I get to climb back up on the thrilling roller coaster of dealing with all my many recurring fees and charges tied to that now defunct card.

Do I need to explain why I'm bringing up this cycle of crime and punishment?  Yes, yes, I have once again been the victim of identity theft.  I got a text yesterday that innocuously asked if I had actually charged 30 something dollars for some company called (who, in case you bump into them, you should be aware they are MOTHERFUCKING THIEVES, WORTHLESS SCAMMERS, and SHITTY GRIFTERS WHO SHOULD BE TRAPPED IN A CALL CENTER IN HELL.)  When I saw the text, I had some vague sense of unease, but I was sort of distracted and I just replied "nope."

The card company, god love them, I guess, immediately sprang into action and texted back to say they had canceled my card. Boom.  That's when I remembered that is exactly the result that happens when you admit that you don't recognize a charge.

I wish I'd had the sense to simply ignore the whole thing and written off the $30 as just some kind of fee the universe charges me.  Happy to pay that much to avoid dealing with updating all the many, many accounts I have tied to my now defunct card.  My rent, which I pay with the card, is coming up on Tuesday so I had to hotfoot it over to my landlord's website and change my account to some temporary cash source, my phone bill came through pretty much at the exact same time the credit card was dying so I had to fix that, and, for that matter, I couldn't even charge coffee at Peet's, the world's finest cafe. Life is just hard without a credit card.  I don't know how the Amish get along. 

There is a bright side to this.  I know from past experiences this is simply a brutally efficient way of cleaning up my finances by scraping off all the little fees and subscriptions and accounts that I have accumulated but don't really use or need.  I thought about that as I was dealing with the lady at the credit card company as she was going through a list of pending or possible charges.  I kept waiting for some luridly unlikely porn bill to pop up, but somehow we missed all that.  She instead focused on my $2 expenditure on Google for some word game I play.  Coincidentally, I had that same evening charged a really expensive flight to Houston for next September and she never even brought that up, but $2 for Google?  She was on that motherfucker.

Naked guys I wish I could charge: 

Why aren't luscious rentboys like this ever involved with my charges?

I would absolutely open a new credit card expressly for something this good.

Pussy like this wants my credit info?  I will type it out for him.

He wants to know my mother's maiden name and what street I grew up on?  Okey dokey.

He probably just needs a new pair of roller blades.

Instead, I get some chiselers who probably don't even have a tanline.

I hope their time in hell gives them a sunburn.  Inside their butthole.

Denton Baxter, who I've always thought was cute in a goony way.


  1. It's all so frustrating. My card company is very good about sending communication when a purchase pop up that is not a usual listing on my statement. It's great, but if they did intercept a transition going through and I verify it's not me, every time, they close my card and send a new one.

    Luckily it has only happened twice. Now can you put that blond with the buttchops and view of balls laying there on the bed on my card will you?

    1. Sorry, he declined your card. Maybe just try cash.

  2. I got slammed a few months ago. Was giving away the store to some guy on the phone. After several transactions some software kicked in somewhere and would not approve anything.

    Finally figured out I was scammed. Off to the bank to freeze everything. Called the credit card company to freeze my credit and change the card number.

    What money the scammer got from me, the bank reimburse me. Why the bank did that? I don’t know. Maybe because I have a large deposit sitting in it.

    Being old my brain didn’t pick up on the scan until I was well into it. Lesson hopefully learned.

    1. What's frustrating is that I never know how these dickheads actually get my credit info. Just somewhere out of the blue, suddenly some website registered in Montenegro has my number.

    2. Everyone’s formation is out there somewhere.

      My husband did online banking until someone took $600 out of his account. That was the end of online banking.

      I am waiting to see when someone will try to use my information.

  3. I spotted mine myself on my statement. Someone bought a pay as you go £30 phone card in Tesco. I knew it wasn't me as I never go in Tesco. I found it really creepy. I rang my bank - card cancelled and a new one delivered. I'm always ready for it to happen again. It makes me feel very uneasy.
    I do appreciate a black and white photo!

    1. Whenever I check charges on my card, I'm always alarmed at the number of innocuous sounding companies which I happen to know are porn sites specializing in pretty boys.

  4. The rentboys aren't involved with your charges because you pay them with cash or PayPal. Mind, I would like to swipe my card through some of your models' butt chops....

    Anonymous, too

    1. That is exactly how you wind up with your sensitive data in their sensitive buttholes.


  5. I did get a phone call one morning from the card company. Woman asked me if I'd made a $1.00 purchase in Boston. First of all, she woke me up, so I was like, WHA? Second of all, I go to Boston to visit, often, so I didn't know what to say. Nothing like a trick question slapping you awake!

    Turned out it was someone "trying." I learned that day that thieves will charge a measly buck & wait until that goes through, then go to town.

    I black out my name & address on every piece of mail, read somewhere that identity theft more often occurs with printed matter. Who the fuck knows?

    Maybe the problem is that the word SWIPE
    has become synonymous with credit cards??

    1. The first three or four times this happened I was so irate and concerned, now I just let the credit card companies fraud department have at it.

  6. It has happened to me once - my card was "cloned" at one of our local (at the time) delightful Cypriot money-laundering factories, sorry, greengrocers. The first I knew of it, the bank called to ask if I had really hired three cars in downtown Larnaca. Which would have been a feat. Thankfully, I don't have all my money in one account, and I only have debit cards (not credit). The bank blocked the payments so I lost no money, but it was all quite annoying. Jx

    PS #1. #2 and #6 please...

  7. I can't say I have, though you have my sympathy. Someone did charge a bar tab to my room once, this was in Sitges, Spain a few years ago, I went down to reception to settle the bill the night before as I was checking out first thing in the morning, the account said I had four champagne cocktails, 12 euros each, well, you can imagine, CCTV showed it wasn't me. I'm not good at obeying orders, however number 3 could bring me to heel.

  8. Errrrrrr! This happens to you all too often.


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