Friday, May 17, 2024

In Which We Go Backwards

 

So just to bring everybody up to speed in case you haven't been paying attention (and I know you have not been paying attention, you bad little puss,) I have scoliosis which has resulted in chronic back pain for more than 40 years.  Just as a side note, no one noticed I was developing into a hunchback in highschool even though looking at back photographs, it is glaringly obvious I was a teenage Quasimodo.

My latest foray into trying to deal with a backache that will just not shut up was getting trigger point injections.  I'd go to my orthopedist and he would shoot me up with long lasting lidocaine and some steroid.  It worked great, life-changing, better than any other treatment I have suffered through since Jimmy Carter was president.

I went in last Friday for my latest shot and the muscley little bitch (all the technicians in this practice look like they have to squeeze in their medical duties in between photo shoots as fitness models) announces that this shot is the last one I can get. I said "No." And then I said, "Nonononono." Nurse Muscle Bitch seemed unimpressed with my argument and just claimed patients are limited to four shots because of the steroids which can lead to osteoporosis, malpractice suits, blah blah blah.  I replied to all of his reasoning with my own brilliant point, "I don't care."

And I don't.  I am trying to balance a concern that I might develop osteoporosis at some speculative point in the future against living with an achy back all day, every day right now and I come down on the side of Future Mrpeenee is just going to have to deal with soft bones.  And that's if I live long enough for them to crumble.  Does that seem likely? No, no it does not.

But Nurse Muscle Bitch was not buying it.  He got the look on his face I'm all too familiar with from having tried to explain my ideas to other medical professionals, a look similar to someone trying teach multiplication to a not very bright child.  

Admitting defeat, I asked what I was supposed to do next.  He looked sort of baffled that I would expect him to offer any possible option and then suggested I get a Botox shot.  Maybe he thought the squinty, annoyed look I had developed needed some work.  Botox, got it, let's get on that train.  But no, his practice does not have that on their menu.  So where does he suggest I go?  "A pain specialist?" he offers in a very tentative manner.  He seemed concerned that I might continue to up the ante with even more difficult questions.  Did I mention he was really muscley?

So now I'm back to my old friend, the pain specialist with my old friend, the back ache.  My creaky old back and I, handed off from one doctor's waiting room to another like an old issue of Readers Digest.

More muscley bitches:

Maximo Garcia, costarring his Maximo Dick piece


Either this guy can stand in the garage or he can fit his butt in the garage, but not both at the same time.


Plop goes that cock meat and the world is a better place.


I miss my garden.


I wish I knew who this guy is.  I think he is terribly cute.


Cleanliness is next to godliness.  I just wish I was next to him.


Some dicks are Culturally Significant.  This is one of them.


Insipid art and really fine buttchcops.


Yes, yes indeed.


Look, I know we all want dick pics, but sometimes just being cute is enough.


12 comments:

  1. Oh God, Mr Peenee, this is awful. But osteoporosis is no joke either - I'm predicted to get that as well.
    I really hope you get lucky and find a decent pain specialist.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I considered suggesting that since all my problems stem from the joint where my backbone and rib connect that maybe if osteoporosis made my bones get soft, maybe that joint wouldn't hurt but I never got around to it.

      Delete
  2. I am going through a body cascade collapse as well. Things keep popping up. I have no idea how much longer this will go on. It’s rather annoying.

    I hope you “care team” can come up with something. No idea if acupuncture would work or not anybody ever suggest that?



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tried acupuncture, aside from lying down in a quiet room, I didn't feel anything.

      Delete
  3. Can't they inject just the long-lasting lidocaine, without the steroid? Or maybe something else, something that would work better than a shot of bourbon with a vodka chaser? (I would have asked Nurse Muscle Bitch how to find their Only Fans page...)

    Anonymous, too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good idea, both the lidocaine and the OnlyFans

      Delete
  4. Well, what a time for Nurse Muscle Bitch to let you know he can't commit to a long term relationship. Too many muscles and not enough sense. Did he at least give you a good seeing to before you parted ways?

    P.S. "Just being cute is enough" Yes. Yes it is! I'll take him over a thousand of the others. So handsome. And cute. And handsome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've just come back for another look, and I still let out an appreciative sigh.

      Delete
  5. Can you sign a waiver saying you won't sue if your kidneys pack in etc? Can't they operate? Cbd/cannabis on prescription? it is a worry. That is shit about your hunchback, at least you'll be able to wear Comme des Garçons clothing and look good in it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mitz always looks on the bright side, it's why we love her so.

    ReplyDelete

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