Dammit

I knew I needed to pay more attention to this whole getting-elected-pope thing, but how could I focus when those fussy old queeny cardinals were pissing on my last good nerve and then I got distracted looking up this redhead on the Night is Half Gone blog

Can you blame me?

Plus I got this extremely unsettling email from MJ over at Infomaniac:
Dearest Pope Peenee:

Would you do me the kindness of emailing a frontal photograph of your good self?  Not necessarily top to bottom (pun intended) but something with your face in view and not in profile.

I had several likenesses of you but when my computer crashed I lost them.

Not that I'm planning to Photoshop you or anything. *crosses fingers behind back*

Respectfully (again, with fingers crossed behind back*,

Mistress MJ

God almighty, I have a hard enough time sleeping at night with the fucking cat commandeering the best part of the mattress and now I keep peeking under the bed expecting MJ to pop up like that clown doll in Poltergeist.  Can you blame me?

Anyway, the old dears in the Vatican were adamant about no working from home.  They said if Yahoo can't do it, why should the pope.  So that was a non-starter for me right there.  I think they were just afraid I wouldn't share the Brazilian stripper/choir boys.

Actually, I would not have shared this.  Do I look crazy.  Don't answer that.

So, ok, fine, one more tiny little dream of mine, crushed.  If only I could comfort myself in that redhead's pits.

Pope This Space for Rent

Headline from the NY Times article today: "Pope Wanted. Must Possess Magnetic Charm. And Grit."  Am I a shoo-in, or what?

Actually, I suppose I need to start paying more attention to this whole getting-elected-pope business, but I just got distracted by porn.

Still, I'm back on it, trust me.  I hear the cardinals are mostly in place, probably comparing shoes and playing Who's Got the Cutest Prelate.

Once I'm in, I'll need to come up with a pope name, cause even though I think "Pope peenee" has a certain spunky charm, I know tradition demands that the new pope select a papal name.  Plenty of them have gone with Gregory, a name I'm sort of luke warm to.  There was a fifth century pope called Pope Zosimus, and isn't that the coolest papal name ever?  And Google adds, quite casually, that he might have been jewish which almost sells me on it, but not quite.

I prefer the popes that went with names that played up some personal trait, thus all those Piuses and Innocents and Clements.  While I think that may be a little too obvious ("Look at me!  I'm all pious and stuff!") I'm sort of leaning towards either Pope Lucky or Pope Sassy.  Certain of our dedicants would be allowed to address us as "Pope SassyPants."

I spent way too long trying to Google the translation of SassyPants into Italian.  I suppose I'll just have to stick to sign language.

Also, though, I have to consider selling naming rights.  If any more of those grabby priests get sued, there isn't going to be enough bingo games in the world to keep my holiness in red Prada pumps. So something like "Pope General Electric: Imagination at Work" or "Pope Staples: That Was Easy." The First.  For an extra consideration I would have their logo embroidered on my chasuble.  But not my good one, just the everyday one.