In Which We Act Our Age

 Okay, so I will be 70 years old next month. Seventy. Seven tee.  How is that possible?  This was not part of my plan, but is creeping decrepitude really part of anybody's plan?  Winston Churchill left office the day I was born, a bit of trivia which sounds like ancient history these days.  I am exactly as old as Disneyland and McDonald's.  Eisenhower was president and I'm sure there are plenty of Americans now who have never heard of him.  Baby boomers are generally defined as having been born between 1945 and 1965 which puts me smack dab in the middle of that demographic bulge.  The plague years of the AIDS crisis, Y2K, Elton John's wandering hairline: I've seen it all.

This is most certainly not going to be one of those tirades people make about how "I still feel young inside" because I don't.  I am old and I am okay with that.  I used to be fearless (foolishly so) and with a great deal more energy; now I am stodgy, cynical, and oh-so cranky.  I refuse to apologize for any of it, I have earned it all.  If I choose to be irritated by The Youth of Today (and the vantage point of my advanced years allows me to realize The Youth of Today are always irritating, regardless of what day today is) that is my privilege. 

Social media is littered with tales of my contemporaries who foolishly try to emulate the actors in commercials from all sorts of snake oil selling that "age is just a state of mind" bullshit.  Denial is not going to protect you from being old.  Age is your back hurting and all the cartilage in your joints shot to hell and the energy level of an unwound clock and trying to take up hang gliding is not going to change that.  I genuinely have a friend who will get up before dawn to go cross country skiing and I think "What the fuck is wrong with you?  Just calm down, bitch."  And then I have to go lay down because his example exhausts me.  You can struggle against the tide all you want, but when you have to fill in your birth date online and you need to scroll and scroll down through the years to get to yours, it just reminds you, there is no fighting the march of time.

Youth in all its taut-skinned glory:

Nekkid guys this week will all be "vintage" which is code for "old".  Seen here, the beautiful buttchops of Tom LeDuc.

Tim Kramer, who exemplified the Big Dick, Dumb Looks phenotype so dear to the hearts of many.

The beefy glory of Brett Mycles.

Of course, I can't wander down nude memory land without bumping into Colt Studios, Kyle Jessup. 

The superior ass stylings of Billy Herrington, also courtesy Colt Studios.

Steve Cort is an long time favorite around here, and he cranked out smutty pictures by the thousand, but it's hard to find any good ones of him online these days.

Ed Dinakos, prime beef.

Vintage always brings with it hairy dudes, in this case, Al Parker, on the left, Steve Taylor, Parker's real life boyfriend in the middle (little piggy that reportedly he was), and the charming Will Seagers, right.

Lastly, one of my favorite pictures from back in the day, Aiden Shaw, by Pierre et Gilles.

In Which We Consider a Legend

What started the whole sorry thing.

 

Our dear chum Mikey (perhaps you might remember him from Chaturbate here) announced he had considered being a cop for Halloween but wasn't in the mood for it.  A shame for both him and everyone who would be so very glad to see Mikey tarted up like a peacekeeper.

That reminded me of a sort of involved bit of gay history.  I'll get to that in a minute but first let's talk about the complicated relationship gay men have with cops.  Typically, police are in an adversarial relationship with the gay world; we want to have sex like rutting dogs with each other, but until very recently and in some places even now, doing so was illegal.  And so, cops often were instrumental in breaking up the good times.  ACAB.

Also queers very often have daddy issues.  Lots of daddy issues.  Maybe they never had one and would like to fill that void, maybe they didn't like the one they started with and are shopping for a replacement, whatever: daddy issues.  And what could symbolize daddy better than the instrument and deliverer of oppression, the fuzz.  Look I didn't make the rules, gay men are both the benefactors and the victims of the patriarchy.  Ya get a little ying, ya get a little yang.  So ACAB, but also, Oh Daddy.

Into this complicated naughty world, in 1978, Colt Studios delivered the perfect product, a short video eloquently called Hot Cop.  It starred one of their classic massive muscle men posing and flexing and most importantly sneering.  At the time porn was typically short on info and so the video burst onto the scene with no cast lists.  The cop never takes off his sunglasses so you can't ever really see his face.  And thus a mystery was born.

Fans of the video rabidly scoured sources looking for the name of the beefy beauty. For decades nobody knew, but there was lots of theories.  It was the Zapruder film of gay smut.  Ferocious arguments blazed on chat boards comparing the mustaches of various candidates.

Then 2022, I stumbled across the answer in one of my favorite odd little blogs, BJ's Gay Porno Crazed Ramblings, where the author calmly presented not just the name of the model but all of his other appearances in different films and for different studios under his many noms d'smut.

The answer to the great hot cop mystery?  It was a fairly frequent cold studio model called Brutus (naturally.) I remember him but only vaguely.  I had no idea he had appeared so frequently in the police end of the porn spectrum.  I remember vividly that Drummer cover he did, but I didn't realize who he was.  I also remember the editor of the magazine commenting on the photo shoot.  He said Brutus was really into verbal accompaniment for the photography, to the point where one of the assistants had to leave.  The big bad brute had just overwhelmed the poor little teacup.  Well.

Herewith we present Brutus.

The shoot where his spoken word slam scarred off some assistant just trying to do his job.  Get HR on the line NOW.

Look, he has a face.  Who knew?

More copshop theatrics.  I remember this guy, I honestly always thought it was someone different from the legendary Hot Cop.

Unfortunate haircuts are nothing new.

Yes sir, officer, sir.  Pig love, whacha gonna do?

If you want to check out the clips from the original video, you can go here  It's worth it for the primitive synth groove alone.

So more gay cops for your Halloween costume inspiration

One of the all time classics, Al Parker in Weekend Lockup.

The massively massive Pete Kuzack.

Another old fave, Leo Ford getting out of a speeding ticket, from Stroke magazine.

I think this is Rick Koch.

Pigs in heat.