In the middle of an unnecessarily annoying and complicated day last week, my phone decided to commit suicide. I was Ubering along playing Yahtzee on my phone, as I am wont to do, and I got a Yahtzee. Yay. I was in the front seat and turned around to show my friends my fabulous big score, but the Uber driver seemed unimpressed. That was when I noticed my phone was incredibly hot and then the back popped open and it stopped working. I was convinced it was about to burst into flames, which might have been exciting, but I was sort of busy that afternoon. Exhibiting my usual cool level-headedness I shrieked "Fuck." I then also shrieked "fuckfuckfuck." The Uber driver continued to be unimpressed.
I was able to spend more than an hour at the phone store, which, golly gee, was so very much fun. Why does it take so long to buy a stupid phone? Since my old phone was now some kind of techno slag, I was unable to transfer my pictures (oh well) or my apps (considerably more disappointing.) I have spent the week since then reloading apps and trying and failing to remember the passwords for them.
One of the worst parts was that I lost the Uber app; standing outside the phone store, I couldn't get it to load and work so I had to trudge home on foot. It's not a terribly long walk and almost all of it was downhill. But here's the problem with being a creaky old man: I often forget that I am a creaky old man. Instead I still have the mindset of a fairly healthy middle-aged man who walked a lot. A. Lot. So a hike that would have been no big deal to 40 year old mrpeenee exhausted me now. By the time I got home I felt like hazardous waste. Ugh
Another disappointment? Losing the app for the word game I've been playing for years now. How humbling for the score I had been keeping to revert to zero when I reloaded the app. Mostly I play it so I can gripe to Diane von Austinburg about the ludicrous words, it demands and the perfectly sensible ones it refuses. Stupid dumb game. Worse, as part of the game you accrue tokens that you can then buy hints with if you get stuck. I almost never had to use them because I am so absolutely Kick-Ass in that game (not to brag or anything) but when I lost the app, my fortune in tokens disappeared. I was ruined.
But the cruelest blow of all? The pictures of naked guys I feature here so prominently (and believe me, I know you guys are not tuning in for my pearls of wisdom) were stored in my pictures on the phone and all of those, poof, gone. Nevertheless, I've been able to scramble up a few choice bits. Here you go:
Vadim Farrell and his lovely eyes. Did you even notice his eyes?
Unless you are welding or in the middle of giving a blow job, turn your hat around the right way.
I wish phone stores were staffed by guys this cute.
I don't appreciate random tattoos splattered around, but I am willing to overlook them in this case.
Shapely.
The lovely John Bronco, just enjoying hanging around with his dick out.
Thick hair, thick lips, thick muscles, thick cock. It's quite a combo.
Sorry, the internet ran out of naked guys.
