In Which We Consider the Rise of the Machine

 

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day, a holiday very dear to all of us here at mrpeenee, Inc.  I don't have the energy remind you scurvy dogs of it's history and traditions, go here for some of that.  But let me just say avast ye blackguards, clear your poop deck and prepare to be boarded.  Surrender your booty, etc., etc., etc.

Now on to our story,

Earlier this summer, I mentioned that I have been dabbling in the brave new world of AI smut.  My efforts were strictly limited to pictures of naked guys, or semi naked guys, because I'm a very visual smut queer.  Just as a side note, while there are lots of sites that generate AI images, almost all of them are very prissy about no NSFW stuff.  Bitches.

Anyway, a while ago our dear chum Mikey from over at Chaturbate asked if I had considered using something like ChatGPT for writing.  I hadn't; for one thing, I had just considered writing AI to be useful for either applying for jobs or cheating on your homework.  I will now take a brief pause to thank the great father that I need to do neither.  Also though, I like writing, or rather, to quote the great Dorothy Parker, "I hate writing but I love having written." Writing is a lot of effort, but so is fucking and I don't want a computer to do that for me either. 

Still, I'm very conscious of how erratic both my spelling and punctuation are.  I know I drop in commas like they are decoration on a Christmas tree, and sprinkle semicolons around with gay abandon.  If AI can help calm all that down, then maybe it would help. 

I decided to test it out by taking some random paragraph from last week's blog and running it through the GPT wringer.  The immediate problem was that the AI wanted to punch up my pathetic little effort instead of just tidying up the random punctuation. 

Here's what it came back with initially: 

Want me to take it further into over-the-top humor (like full-on dialogue between you and the cats about their survival plan), or keep it in this dry, sarcastic vein?

I suppose I should be flattered that it recognized I was trying to be dry and sarcastic.  Since apparently my only choices were a kitty dialogue or sticking with my usual bitchiness, I opted for bitchiness.

My original:

As you see in the picture above, they have both now decided my bed is our bed.  Toby regularly snuggles up next to my side with his head on my shoulder which has to be the most adorable thing since cats were invented. Octavia also likes to settle in next to me.  If she gets here first, Toby will climb over one or both of us to jam himself in between her and my armpit so that I find myself at the bottom of a pile of cats as I just try to watch the news on PornHub.  Also, both of them will only settle down on my left side so that I am between them and the door.  Obviously, they are privy to inside information about the zombie apocalypse and they have decided that when the undead inevitably burst in, me and my luscious brains will provide a distraction for the cats to make their getaway.  Ingrates. 

And the new and improved AI version:

As you can see in the picture above, both cats have officially declared my bed to be our bed. Toby, in particular, likes to wedge himself against my side with his head on my shoulder, which is honestly the most adorable thing since the invention of cats—or sliced bread. (Though, let’s be real, cats would never admit sliced bread was useful unless it came with tuna.)

Octavia also likes to curl up next to me, but if she gets there first, Toby turns into a furry little bulldozer. He’ll climb over one or both of us just to jam himself into the prime real estate between Octavia and my armpit. The end result? I’m buried under a cat pile, trying to breathe, while desperately attempting to watch the news on… PornHub. (Don’t judge. Some people read newspapers. I just prefer my headlines delivered… enthusiastically.)

To make things extra convenient, both cats insist on snuggling only on my left side. Apparently, this is a strategic choice: I am the designated meat shield. Clearly, they know the zombie apocalypse is coming, and when the undead inevitably burst through the door, my luscious, brain-filled head will be the all-you-can-eat buffet while my “loving” cats make their daring getaway.

Ingrates. Furry, adorable ingrates.

Honestly, I am not wowed by it.  I understand it sounds like me, mostly because it has grasped my undying passion for adjectives (I just love them modifiers), but the changes it's made don't seem to improve anything, and the jokes that it added are just sort of clunky.  Also, the random nature of my comma usage doesn't seem to be any better.  If anything, the AI is given to even more capricious punctuation. 

I suppose if I really turned my attention to it, I could master chatGPT and wrestle it into doing what I want, but Octavia has been sick with a UTI and so I have been busy squirting antibiotics down her throat and mopping up puddles of cat pee so I'm not really in the mood for learning yet another program just because all the really cool kids are using it.  I'll just stick with naked guy images, thanks. 

Va va va voom

In the weeds.

Dorothy Parker also said "Heterosexuality is not normal it's just common."

Ahoy, ye bilge rats, and shiver me timbers.

I realize I am being rather erratic with my references here in the Nekkid Guy Section, what with Dorothy Parker, AI, and pirates, but that's why I can never be replaced by some GTP, or GPT or GTO or whatever it is.

This guy is AI.  Could you tell?  Avast and arrrgh.

In Which We Talk the Talk

 

Tragedy has once again struck the sweet, sweet life of mrpeenee.  I recently realized I have somehow dropped the lovely and useful Southern word of "y'all."  "Y'all" is a wonderful word since standard English uses the same word ("you") for both the singular and plural second person pronoun, which is obviously stupid.  It is also a prominent feature of a Southern accent and I was slightly horrified to notice I had switched to using "you guys" instead.

I am not ashamed of my Southern accent, even though a drawl like that is commonly associated with a lower intelligence. Uh, fuck you, that's what I say to that.  And so I have made no effort to eradicate it even though I left the swampy embrace of the South decades ago.  Still, living away from other people speaking in that way eventually eroded my accent to something, dare I say it, more Californian. That's why I'm surprised when people comment on my speech.  "Honey,"  I want to say, " if you think I have an accent now you should have heard what I started out with." 

R Man and I were once listening to some NPR story about how Southerners speak and how the accent varies so drastically from place to place in the South.  One of the examples they offered was that urban people in the South would switch "these and those" for "dese and doze." I told R Man "I don't talk like that" only for him to point out I had just said "I don't talk like dat."  

While we're on the subject of speech, I have noticed the real rise in people dropping the double consonant in the middle of a word, like button or butter or kitten and replacing it with like a glottal  stop so that they wind up saying something like "bu' on" and "bu' er" and "ki' en".  I used to think of this as a phenomenon in British speakers and a signifier of lower class, but now it seems to have jumped to America and is pretty prevalent.  As usual I blame the internet for this and so much more. 

Guys, I wouldn't mind having a chat with:

I suppose he had to open the back door because all that dick wouldn't fit inside.

Buttchops.

I have simply had to come to terms with the unavoidable annoyance of PhotoShop and AI.  That said, those are some lovely, if fake, low hangers.

Strapped in and ready for a party.

Let us all ignore the looming menace of AI and just pretend this is real.

A simple lad, ready to be ravished.

I would love a muscley youth who would make himself useful by cleaning the tub.

Hello daddy.

I like to imagine this guy and the daddy above were able to share some quality time together.

I forget his name, but he is a regular contributor to the wonderful world of smut.