Saturday, August 16, 2008

Casting Call


Let's put on a show kids. I've decided to produce a dragaganza online and you're invited to be in it! Mostly because you're too obstreperous to ignore. I think that's always a good personality trait in a semi-professional trannie entertainress. The show's called You're Too Big for Polka Dots and did I mention it's at the fabled My-O-My Club out by the lake in New Orleans?

Anyway, since it's my show, I get to be the star. What, you got a problem with that? Shut up and sit back down. I shall take the stage as Coco Vreeland and I plan on wowing them with my big number "Strike a Match," as performed by April Ames. No, of course I don't know the words, who cares? You think Madonna actually knows what she's lip synching? Get real. I'll eat red hots so my gums and tongue will be bright red and recite the words "Thursday root beer float' and no one will know the difference.

I'm asking our dear friend Kebbin to pull his turn as Miss Simma Down performing Shirley Bassey's cover of "I Who Have Nothing" but that's as far as I have gotten in lining up the talent. This is where little you comes in. Let us know your stage name and what you'll be performing. Don't forget to bring your music. And get your own damn eyeliner.

10 comments:

  1. Hi I’m Willie Mae Unger one half of the famous Unger Sisters but sister done dropped dead. I carry on best I can though. I been auditionin’ ever where but aint nobody hirin’. Clorox Bleachman over at the Golden Lantern said I might try my luck here at the My-O-My. I’m real good and I play the zither a little so stand back an prepare to be wowed. Whadaya say fellers wanna here a little of my repy-toire? I got a case of punies since sister died so I’d like to start with "Can’t Get Out Of This Mood"

    ReplyDelete
  2. We need to talk. I need more information about this. And shout out to Kebbin.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll be there as Angie O'Plasty, doing Bonnie Tyler's "It's a Heartache".

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll be performing as The Countess Ida Slapter.
    I'll be starting off with Madama Butterfly and finishing with Betty Wright's classic "Clean Up Woman."

    I'm not sure what I'll be wearing yet, except for the playtex long line panty girdle...and the champagne mink of course.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Count me in!

    I would actually like to present a double act: in the first set, I'll appear as Mrs. Stephen Heinous, resplendent in tweeds, to sing my Junior League-approved rendition of "Lime Jello Marshmellow Cottage Cheese Surprise."

    Later, I propose re-emerging in the persona of the great dramatic mezzo Justye Normous, to perform a startling solo techno version of "The Flower Duet" from Lakme. Feathers, sequins, and possibly torches will be involved.

    And if we're very nice to Mr. Muscato, we might coax him out of retirement to perform the mystical Egyptian dance of the 1,000 veils under the nom de danse of Ischotda Sharif. It's a wowser, at least for the first 400 veils or so...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Since I haven’t received a call back…yet…I’m going to re-audition until I get a part in this damn show.

    Near the stage of the darkend venue is the familiar glowing ember of a Misty menthol 120. Seated on a stool is My-O-My’s most resident patron, Breezy Barfly. Wearing her signature dingy stained unwashed lilac tube top with spaghetti straps, dirty cut-offs with cigarette purse clipped to the waistband, greasy stringy hair and scuffed off-white 80’s pumps.

    Breezy falls off her stool and onto the stage. A collective gasp is heard from the audience when the lights dim and the spotlight strikes making her squint.

    The orchestra begins and Breezy sings, "Nice Girls Don’t Stay For Breakfast"…so pass the jam.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'd prefer a pink follow spot for my alter-ego "Ashanda Leer."

    Details are somewhat sketchy at this juncture regarding wardrobe but you can pencil in my rousing rendition of Koko Taylor's "Wang Dang Doodle"...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'd like to introduce the one, the only, the obstreperous:

    JUANA DUMY

    to perform "Eres Tu" and "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Miss J will perform. In man drag, of course. She will wear a moustache and a strap-on and improvise some stand-up about what its like to be a man. Then she will channel Elvis and pour her heart out in a rendition of "Are You Lonesome Tonight?". She loves those somgs with spoken interludes. She may never leave the stage.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh, Peenee! Bien entendu, I'm breathlessly late to the party, but I am here as Flower Drumstick, wowing the crowd with my fan dance and performance of Rosemary Clooney's Orientalia-tinged rendition of "Love, Look Away."

    ReplyDelete

In Which We Writ Small

  The recent chill and wet weather has conspired to make my nose run like it's being paid overtime.  It flows pretty much year round any...