Saturday, December 12, 2009

Ugly Hats. Loaded Santas. Tis the Season.

Truly, I have no vanity. When one's best feature is in one's pants, being concerned about fashion seems like too much trouble. Even so, when I discovered my new winter hat (in a hardware store, natch) this afternoon, I was a teensy bit disconcerted by its aggressive dorkiness. It looks rather like a cloche which has been left out in the rain more than once; it emphasizes every flaw in my long bony face like a neon arrow; its color is most likely described as Hairball Gray. And yet, I adore it. Mostly because it fits, which is not something I come across frequently in what little hat shopping I indulge in. I have a big head (not in the sense of being stuck up, remember, the only deadly vice I skip is vanity) but in the sense that I have a great big skull; one assumes it must be all the super duper brain matter lodged therein. Knit caps, on the other hand are designed for the daintily empty pinheads of all the geisha boys one sees around here. Plus, this particular one is warm and covers my ears, which are always icy. R Man can pretend not to know me when we'e on the street together, I don't care as long as my ears aren't numb.

And then, right after I snagged my hat and was walking down Castro admiring my startling reflection in every window, we ran into Santarchy, a flipped out parade and party of miscreants tarted up as old Saint Nick. Old Saint Nick on a bender, but still.... About a couple hundred Santies and every one of them tripping like a million screaming monkeys. We passed one small group that was either fighting or trying to wrestle one of their number up off the sidewalk. Hard to tell. A good time was being had by all.

I do love San Francisco.


  1. adorable!
    You need a long strand of pearls, and rouge your knees.

  2. Gosh golly, MJ, it is, in fact exactly what it looks like. Perhaps you could try wearing one on your Lady Bits, in case they get chilled.

    I'm practicing the Black Bottom right now.

  3. I have exactly two words for that hat: DEAD SEXY.

  4. I could so totally knit that. (The hat, not the Santa parade.)

    I wouldn't though.

  5. G-damn. That SuperSanta is HOTHOTHOT... All we get down here is the damn Rose Parade.

    Miss J thought moving to CA would mean never again having to wear unattractive headgear. Not true. The Altadena foothills are frosty in the winter morn. And SanFran? Fuggeduboudit. It's cold as HELL! Ear coverage is a MUST. Wear your hardware store hat with pride, Mr. P. For the record, Miss J thinks you're pretty dang handsome in it.

  6. Seriously. And I say this with deep affection. If granny knit that for you it may be time for her to go towards the bright light at the end of the tunnel...

  7. "Someone left the cloche out in the rain
    And I don't think that I can take it
    cause it took so long to make it..."
    etc. etc. etc.


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