Even readers of this blog paying absolutely no attention (and goddess knows there are plenty of you) will know I just love being snarky. The opportunity to show my ass with a bitchy turn of phrase is just something that adds a little sparkle to my day. Even better is when I can be professionally snide. So imagine my thrill when I was able to crank up the Dowager Quarterly tone like a Donna Lethal trained laser as part of my job this week.
Part of putting on our annual shindig for local businesses is shaking down fat ass corporations for sponsorships. All that standing around being charming is not free, you know. One of them, who shall remain nameless cause I’m sure they have some marketing slave whose job is to just troll Google looking for any mention of them (hint: it’s like the mean drag queen said about her ex-boyfriend’s dick: “Soft, micro.”) was trying to come across all cheap by getting the benefits of the $15,000 level but only paying $5,000. Cheap bitches. You want to buy a Mercedes, you do not offer Hyundai prices. Anyway, I got to spend the most enjoyable part of Monday morning composing a stiff little email encouraging them in very polite terms to go fuck themselves. The chilly phrases just rang out.
Now, the event’s organizer is going back to them to offer another chance. I told him he could portray me as the hard ass bitch who wanted to castrate them and he could be their little pal cutting deals behind my back. The alacrity he agreed to this may have been suspicious, but what do I care? I got to be paid for being nasty and did so in high minded sentences that would have passed muster with Barbara Pym.
To celebrate, I have allowed houseboy Gaston Gilles Foucalt out of his box. But he’d better behave, that’s all I say.
A strongly worded letter, heavy handed fist or turn of phrase can charm the pants of me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read: "The alacrity he agreed to this may have been suspicious, but what do I care?" my heart skipped a beat.
The last time I felt that way was when someone used "seditious" and "avaricious" in the same sentence!!
Granted, it came from a pop song, but he didn't know I knew... le sigh.
Even readers of this blog paying absolutely no attention
ReplyDeleteWhat did you say?
brava!!!
ReplyDeletenow what *I* need is some marketing slave whose job is to just troll Google....looking for any mention of nasty high minded sentences that would pass muster with Barbara Pym.
That, I'd like to read.