Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Design Star. Now Completely Talent-free!

Oh god, is he going to yammer on about Design Star again? Why yes, yes, I am. I can't help myself.

HGTV's game show masquerading as a talent-based reality show is back. Back and lamer than ever. A weekly train wreck, I am reduced to watching it solely to see how bad these designettes can be. This week, they took on team decorating a deck because the show is based in Manhattan and I when I think of New York City decorating, patios immediately come to mind, naturally.

As R Man pointed out, the results looked like an outdoor dorm room. And not a very nice dorm room either. Everyone on the show is either stupid and clueless or clueless and stupid. That's it. That's the only two flavors they have available this year. One guy, who was supposed to be taking his "inspiration" from a cello, painted a wall yellow and babbled about Sedona. The fuck? He had to ask the cellist to play something since he apparently didn't know what a cello sounds like. That's inspiration baby.

And the previous show, when they took on two identical apartments and both wound up with, pretty much, two identical apartments. Generic, bland modern with the furniture arranged the exact same way, and both with the living room oriented so the seating has its back to the wall o' windows. You know, living in mid-town Manhattan, who would want to see sunlight and sky and stuff when you can stare at the dead wall holding the front door?

Last year, writing about the show, I said:
"... the contestants seem to regularly fall into immediately recognizable clich├ęs, the easier for the audience to pick out who to root for without wasting precious time on getting to know the characters. There’s the vaguely artsy chick (this year with a kind of biker/punky thang going on,) the obnoxious, overconfident nell, the token black woman, the straight guy to prove not all decorators are poofs, the bleach blonde prom queen with good jewelry, and the humpy eye candy guy. The rest are just fodder thrown in there in order to be voted out. Nobody has cried about how they miss their family yet, and no obvious catfights, but it’s still early."

Gosh golly, it's like I'm psychic, cause all the same cliches have been rolled out this year, with the exception of the token black chick. Maybe they couldn't find one. And I have to say the eye candy this year just does not cut it.
Unless it's supposed to be the silver fox guy.
Either way, there is no comparison with past candyman and my imaginary husband, David Bromstad.

And yet, I will be back each week, deriding the whole circus until the bitter end. This week on the HGTV blog they ask "Who should go home next?" Uh, all of them? Bring back David and Dan and the pornstar cop and start over.


  1. oh, peenee, you are so dead on right here....about everything.
    I watched the first episode and that was it.
    Kind of like with school, if there are no cute boys there...I just ain't going to class.

  2. Peennee and I must be cycling. See my blog for my rant on this show.

  3. Yeah, we have no Dan this year, but that Silver Fox is quite the Buff Silver Fox.

  4. Dan was very fetch. And he was oh, so fuckable.

  5. Miss J is SO sick of "reality" shows. She watches tv to escape reality. If there's not even decent eye candy, indeed, WHAT is the POINT??? Give her HOT f'ing movie & tv stars, damn it, with rock hard abs and impossibly gorgeous faces, like in the good old days. before tv.

  6. I hate to say it but back in design school and out of 200 students we only ever had one black girl and one girl from India. Both had really bad taste. It has to do with exposure and genetics. Either you have it or you don’t. The same with charm, personality, and on air camera readiness.

    That said, HGTV is scrapping the barrel. I’m hiring a trainer, going to charm school, reading up on Dale Carnegie, taking some spokes model lessons and next year...

    Also HGTV needs less H and more G.

  7. I was trying to watch the show, but the nausea was so bad I had to lie down. Sometimes I think I'll just stare into the sun. I wonder if I could mail the 'pirate furniture' to HGTV.

  8. I am so glad you're watching this show. That way, I don't have to.

    Which reminds me, why not replace that outdated Fabulon link on your page with one for the Chateau? Hmm??? I have you linked to my page, you know. Just sayin'.

  9. I am so not impressed with the crop of so called talent so far and the designs are bunk...And I love the judges but they seem harsh but who can blame them with the designs? Vern Yipp seems to be super bitchy too...He needs a good you know what or something! he he :-)

  10. Oh come on...Dan is a little bit cute (though he got the boot). But Nina is CRAZY and crazy trumps cute on a reality show...always.

    I've given up on actually seeing any great design, so now I'm just tuning in to see the dramz. And of course the Nina murals...


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