Thursday, January 26, 2012

Party Dogs

I attended a party at my old office this afternoon for three of my former colleagues who are retiring. Welcome aboard, that's what I say. It was much more amusing than I expected, very much a reunion since I have steered clear of the joint since I retired last year.

Naturally, everyone asked me "So what are you doing these days?" and seemed baffled when I replied, firmly and honestly, "Nothing." Look, I get paid for not working. Why should I feel compelled to do anything? If it weren't for porn and trolling blogs at 3:00 in the morning I would be comatose. Speaking of which, a big thank you to MJ over at Infomaiac for turning me on to the band Juantrip. Too groovy.

I also had the dubious pleasure of running into a broad who used to have the cubicle next to mine and whose planning of her step-daughter's wedding was the grinding bane of my existence for two fucking years. She was this fake sweet genteel Lady who tried to hide her homophobia from me but never succeeded. We had never liked each other particularly so why she came bouncing up to me today with a big kissypoo hug hello and stuck by my side until I almost had to scrape off my shoe with a stick was beyond me. What's with that?

I kept remembering another party years ago when one of my bosses, who could be a steel hard bitch and also despised this woman, marched up to her and told her she was not invited and that she had to leave. Now. So let's see, on one hand, we have the saccharine sweet Goody Two Shoes and on the other The Bitch Who Will Cut You and I like the bitch best. What's with that?

The party could have definitely used a swimming pool and strippers. But then again, can't they all?


  1. As for the "big kissypoo hug hello" thing... some times with those homophobic types it's a case of keep your friends close but keep your enemies even closer... I'm lending you my emergency shoe scraper....

  2. I'm always up for the "Cut A Bitch" types.
    The "Kissypoos" can kiss my grits.

    PS re my Architecture Wednesday post. Click on the link and it will show how they integrated the old and the new, via floorplans and a couple of pictures. it's a cool house.

  3. No pool, no strippers, no party. Agreed.

  4. This tune has become my "struttin' down the street" music. Although it isn't easy in those shoes.

    Mistress MJ will cut any Bitch who messes with Mr. Peewee.

  5. Obviously Ms Ignorent hoped you had converted to hetero out of sheer boredom, and wanted to give you a tour of her privates. Any sane person would know you could NEVER get that bored. ever. and kabuki would kill you before it came to that. you are welcome

  6. All parties can benefit from a swimming pool (or at least a wading pool full of instant pudding) and strippers.

    This party, however, seems to have been the kind worth the expense of hiring a 6"7" muscle bear named Lars. So that they could either be jealous or have Lars make them act so in a convincing manner. Plus, he could have kept Ms. Klingon Cooties a safe distance away by snarling at her.

  7. My Gawd! That was the most entertaining post that you have done in ages. I enjoyed it immensely.

  8. Pools, strippers, bitches, shoes. This is what I've learned today.

  9. Did you know that Juan Trip was the guy who founded Pan Am?


In Which We Take a Trip

  I was reminded of the following story by this charming illustration I stumbled across on Tumblr.  It is a sheet of blotter acid from back ...