Friday, March 1, 2013

In Which mrpeenee Fixes Television



So the rumor that I am unable to pay attention is totally false; I just don't like to.  For instance, I have, for quite a little while, known that this is the 21st century.  I know this because people keep yammering the same old chestnut about "It's the 21st century, where is my flying car?"  Yaddayaddayadda.  Listen, right now you are plenty likely to be rear ended by an old hippie paying too much attention to her audio book of L. Ron Hubbard's wit and wisdom and when that happens you trade insurance info and fend off her attempts to talk you into a "personality test" and drive away.  In a flying car, you plunge to a fiery death.  That's an improvement?

I do not want the techno nerds wasting time on death trap flying cars.  I want them to get off the dime and produce a sexbot.  It's already 2013, for christ sake's.  (It is, isn't it?)  The question should be "Where is my lifelike android who will perform unspeakable acts and then go wash itself off?"

You know the first few iterations are going to all be Daryl Hannah from Blade Runner, cause these R&D guys are serious Big Bang type geeks.


Even when they finally get their hands out of their laps and turn their attention to running up a male version, it'll probably be Data from Star Trek.

That's just how they think.


Will they ever realize the marketing value of Mario Lopez's pussy?  I doubt it.


In fact, I have been waiting so long for my Genuine Mario Lopez Sex Toy Android, with the patented Love Grip, that I have now moved on to a new focus.  I want a Theo James doll.   With the patented Love Grip.

Perhaps you know of Mr. James.  He was the ill fated Turkish ambassador in Downton Abbey's first episode.  He has resurfaced on the television this week with a new show called Golden Boy.  Tragically, it is stink-eee.  He's the latest in a long, long line of kind of generic brooding alpha male cops with a troubled past.  Again, yaddayaddayadda.

The problem is Theo sweetie is so darn pretty his looks swamp his character.  He launches his broody cop thang and all you think is "Wow look at those lips."  You can't fight cheekbones like that.


I say go with the flow and write some show appropriate to his beauty.  Here's my pitch:  sensitive, but troubled Brian Scott (or Scott Brian,  I'm working on the details, ok?)  attempts to deal with his traumatic past (cue arty flashbacks) by leading a Double Life: by day, an underwear supermodel, by night, I don't know, something.  What difference does it make?   Spy, or cop or serial killer, who cares as long as most of the show features lengthy photo shoots of Theo in his panties looking all pouty and bulgy and stuff.

I know, at night he can be a sexbot.  With the patented Love Grip.

14 comments:

  1. I swear to god Mr. Turkish Ambassador there looks exactly like the straight boy former coworker from Yale... with whom I shamelessly flirted for years.
    Can you blame me?
    OMG
    Then he married some lesbianish sort, and had a baby....sadly a Data-like robot now.

    ahem

    So, Peenee's future seems afoot after all. Just late.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would never have been able to accomplish anything with loveliness like that close by. And really, downhill is the only way they can go. That's one of the reasons why SexBots are better.

      Delete
  2. He is quite dee-lish and deserves a much better TV vehicle.
    Get on that for me, will you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm telling you, double life, underwear model, sexbot. Throw in a couple of car chases and the show writes itself.

      Delete
  3. yes, definitely patent that.
    if you don't, we'll find a
    loose & flabby grippy thingy
    at the dollar store.

    and jason will photograph it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For a moment I thought Jason was saying he had already photographed it. And I was sort of scared.

      Delete
  4. If it is too pretty of a sexbot, I'd be turned off. I'm thinking more of a Blade Runner model (Rutger Hauer'ish) mixed with a Star Trek's Mr. Data, who by the way was programmed in over 300 sexual positions. Perhaps a morphing technology that would allow the sexbot to change it's features. I'll contact the Star Trek universe and the Tyrell Corporation and see what they can do about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is this "Too Pretty" thing you speak of?

      Delete
  5. Increase the Love Grip's power with the patented Kung Fu Grip.

    Imagine the power!

    ReplyDelete
  6. kabuki should really like a matched set of sexbots. one to ya'know, and one to hold kabuki's cocktail

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can Imagine the Theo James sexbot walking a bit like this after Mr Peenee has been at him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNEW the nerds would be developing some geisha bitch thing first.

      Delete

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