The only draw back to having a sweet, sweet boyfriend (I know, I know. We got married, we struggle for equality and yet I cringe at the idea of referring to R Man as my husband. Doesn't work for me. Sorry) who lets me do anything I want and encourages a great many of my bad habits is that I'm not able to get away with anything behind his back when he's gone cause there's nothing to do that I don't do while he's here. I keep thinking along the lines of "the cat's away" and yet I am a mouse with no inclination to play. Or none that I can't do when he's here, so what's the big deal? Sex with other guys? As much as I can snag and with his blessing. Binge intoxicants? Ick. Not unless you count Alka Seltzer. Thrift stores? Oh, well, OK. My idea of a big time these days is staying up to midnight reading. Whoo hoo. I'm a wild man.
Besides the houseboys, like Interpretive Danse artiste Gabriel Percy here, get all pouty if I'm not home at feeding time right on the very dot. What can I do?
You should be out scouring thrift shops for huge brooches, say something rings and prissy walking sticks.
ReplyDeleteWhat's your size?
ReplyDeleteI would love an enormous brooch of at least forty eleven dozen carats the size of a fist. In a say something index finger ring I wear a 10 the gaudier the better, it should cover the knuckle and render that finger useless except for pounding it on counters for quick service. In a prissy walking stick I prefer a staff actually with a serpents head you know the kind that transforms into a serpent when thrown on the ground…
ReplyDeleteI'm binge drinking Alka Seltzer today myself.
ReplyDeleteIt's cheaper than sex and takes less time than reading.
I wonder where this "when the cat's away" naughtiness impulse comes from...is it connected to the gay gene? Is it the same gene that made me masturbate in every room of the house when I was a kid the minute I was left alone? I wonder...
ReplyDeleteIt pains me to have you mention thrift stores in a sentence without "Diane von Austinberg" in it. . .
ReplyDeleteSuhweet sick jebus. Miss J wants to go shopping in the worst way with The Mean Dirty Pirate. That's about all she'd do when her cat Mr. J is away...
ReplyDeleteCould it be... love???
That's love, mrpeenee, and ain't it grand?
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is
ReplyDeletePerhaps the hallway needs a good Murphy's Soap scrubbing between your bouts with the Bronte sisters.
ReplyDeleteJeebus! Get out and shop! Get this economy moving again, Mr. Peenee!
alka-seltzer lemon flavor is especially naughty...
ReplyDelete