Thursday, January 31, 2013

Let's See the Good Stuff

This afternoon, in the Castro, I was loading up the parking meter and thinking, bitterly, that soon it will be cheaper to just take the ticket when Secret Agent Fred appeared at my elbow and gleefully announced "There's a cute naked guy down at Naked Guy Park."

You have to understand, this is an occurrence of no small rarity.  For the last couple of years, a smallish park a the intersection of Castro and Market Streets has been the gathering for a bunch of guys who like to hang around naked.  Part of San Francisco's municipally freethinking traits is that that was legal.  Of course, as everyone agreed, only the people you least wanted to see naked participated in this, but still I sort of applauded the idea of it.

Then last fall the supervisor for the district managed to push through an ordinance that banned public nudity.  There was lots of "Who will think of The Children?" associated with the effort.  I was not impressed.  I think if you don't want your precious spawn to see naked wieners it should be up to you to prevent them from doing so.  Plus it's 2013.  What kind of shut-in brat hasn't seen all the naked people he wants to?

The ordinance passed just as the weather changed and it was too chilly for even the most devoted buff lover to flash his bits so it seemed sort of like a done deal.  Lately, though, as the season as warmed back up, the nudists have turned out to protest the law.  I say "Right on, fly that freak flag," but again, so very much not who I want to see.  You know those flabby, wrinkledy unfortunates MJ features over at Infomaniac?  Think about a small parkfull of them, standing between you and the coffee you need so badly.

Thus, Fred's excitement at the all too rare exception.  He was moved to provide photographic proof

Thank you Fred.  I have no idea what's up with the red chick.

Since I have a background in marketing, I am happy to provide an alternative to the protestors: pay cute guys to roam bare butt.  You want to win the doubters' hearts and minds?  Flash something like this a few times a day for a couple of weeks and see how quick all those nattering naybobs jump on your bandwagon.


  1. "The Red Chick" is MJ having over done it at the spray tan salon... again...

    The city ordinace's rationale for the ban was that they didn't want kids exposed to "genital jewellery" and piercings. Apparently there had been and observed trend in the amount of "metal" on show! I think i read that somewhere...

    Thank you to the obsevant Fred...

  2. I had to squint to see his nattering naybobs, but I can just barely.

  3. The guy in the kilt is cool. He works at Orphan Andy's, beside that poisonous queen.

    1. I know, he used to have red hair and was distractingly good looking.

    2. He still possesses a certain charm. He serves up bacon and eggs, finishes his shift, steps out side and disrobes head to toe. Or, at least he did. He was one of the only nudists to appear regularly in Union Square. Made heads spin.

  4. Why is it there are only the old fat guys there when I'm in town?

    1. What, do you think we're hiding the cute ones from you? Old fat guys are all that are EVER there. That's why Fred was so excited about this one, like finding a unicorn.


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