In Which We Try Something New

Fuck off, snooty bitch.

 

I have an exciting new hobby.  It combines two of my favorite things: pictures of naked men and spending too much time on the internet.  I am referring, of course, to dabbling in AI.  Woohoo, mrpeenee is so terribly au courante. 

So how did I wind up over here somewhere towards the general vicinity of the cutting edge of technology?  I hadn't planned on it.  I'm old enough to remember when tech nerds were assuring everyone that we all needed to learn how to code so that we could use computers.  Hah   I ignored that and now I have a blog; isn't it a funny old world?  And thus I was fully prepared to ignore AI as just another fad that would pass like pork pie hats and democracy.  But then I bumped into some story that discussed the fascinating world of AI generated porn.  "Well," I said to myself, I said, " now we are talking." 

Once I had signed up for a few of the sites that offer AI gay porn (there aren't many,) I discovered a couple of things, one) it's not all that hard and two) my idea of porn is very different from that of most of these sites.  Their filth leans more towards what a sheltered young girl in junior high would think of as "spicy" or "steamy" or, and this is a word which grates on my nerve like nails on a chalkboard, "sensual." Whereas I was looking for "filthy" or "guaranteed to make a MAGA bitch piss its pants." 

It's my own fault, all these sites offer an ai "boyfriend or girlfriend."  I sort of dismissed that as a euphemism, but in fact, it is mostly what they're selling.  I realize now their customer base is mostly sort of incels who want companionship but don't want to actually speak to icky real people.  So you create your boy/girl/transfriend (with personality traits and jobs and hobbies and, I don't what all, maybe dental care plans) so that when you exchange your insipid little texts with them it'll be like they really know you and care!  All I wanted were pictures of them getting railed by a rugby team, but when I explained that, I was met with pursed electronic lips and rebuked. 

Not all of the sites are that restrictive, but each has its own drawbacks.  One that has some of the most realistic pictures adamantly refuses to create any with any sexual action, another that does generate cheerfully smutty pics frequently does so with weird psychedelic colors and with those freaky AI hallucinatory fucked up anatomy like multiple dicks or men with what I assume are swollen vaginas between their legs.  Another one which is pretty good about getting all the pieces right only has one face and it's not particularly a great one, sort of a leering Ewan McGregor. 

But I persevered, and I have found a lovely site called Prompthero (the commands you give to generate the pictures are called prompts.)  Frustratingly, they're one of the ones who refuse any requests for what they call NSFW.  But my stubborn insistence on vulgarity allowed me to figure workarounds to get to ones that are at least bawdy.  Herewith let me present a photo story I like to call The Rentboy's Progress

Our hero, Peter Pussy, rentboy

Peter is having cash flow problems again. He goes to lean against a wall on the sidewalk.  Sometimes that helps.

An elder of the tribe approaches Peter to offer succor.  Peter answers with the traditional reply of his people "300 bucks for front stuff, 400 for back."  "Deal" says the elder.

They retire to a motel to rest after their negotiations.  Peter clarifies that pulling his hair and calling him names carries an extra surcharge.  "Done," says the elder.

Cupid lets loose his arrow.

But you gotta pay dem bills.

Later they run into each other in a sleazy bar, the best kind.

They dance the night away.

The elder reveals his financial situation, which is large, much like the front of Peter's pants.

Peter suddenly realizes they need to marry immediately.

The End.

Watch for the exciting sequel "Peter Pussy, Former Rentboy, Gets Caught Pulling a Train with the Yacht's Crew on His Honeymoon."  RuhRoh!

Here's some more examples of my genius, AI division:

Brought to us by our dear friends at Pornify.com

Pornify is the one that is cheerfully filthy, but occasionally will stumble over anatomy.  Oops.

Papacito has high quality pictures, but like I mentioned, all their guys look alike.

Porn journey has some hot results, but they don't let you write your own prompts, you have to use their preset ones, which are pretty limited and generic.

Still, it's hard to argue when generic looks like this.  Also, Porn Journey offers the oiption for the AI to write porn following your prompts, I thought that could be interesting, but it turned out to be very Ladies Gothic Romance Bodice Ripper, like "I quivered as his piercing blue eyes locked with mine.  He pressed close to me and I cried out as he entered me.  We shuddered as we climaxed together."  I had asked for a filthy old professor coercing his football player student into a quick round of sodomy, but whatever.

Candy has beautiful, very naturalistic looking work, but they are the ones that adamantly refuse any dick action.  Oh nuh huh.  They are the ones that rebuked me for being too pushy.  Bitches.

But they did come across with very nice pirate work.

createaiporn.com (props for being very clear in your company name) is sort of the best about allowing and following porny prompts, but they are not very realistic.  I forgot to mention a lot of these sites' strongest suits are in creating anime/manga style results.  Partially that's because that's what AI handles best and partially because, I think, that's what their audience wants.  Since a picture of Sailor Moon with massive tits and cum dribbling out of her various orifices is what sells.

Freaks