I've been on an absolute spree of (mostly) British cop shows, procedurals set all over the sceptered isle. These range from the excellent (Ellis) to the execrable (Vera), but almost all of them suffer from the cliche of the lead character being damaged and dark. Maybe that's realistic, they are cops after all. But I'm not interested in Detective Chief Inspector Whatshername's trauma. I just want to see the bad guys get arrested and thrown in the back of a cop car with the steering wheel on the wrong side.
Also, why do so many of these supposedly professionals find it so difficult to keep it in their pants around the other supposedly professionals they work with? As soon as there is an adult male and an adult female in the same interview room, you know they are going to be bumping nasties in the next scene and it will inevitably lead to Drama. Guiltily avoiding eye contact, harsh whispered confrontations in the hall, and then his wife kicking him out or her husband demanding to know who the real father is. In the meantime, nobody can figure out who dumped the body in the river. Well Clive, maybe if you could keep your sausage out of Anita's pork pie you might realize it was the roommate. Duh.
The worst part though are the accents. I speak English, honest, and technically so do these characters, so why do I have to watch with subtitles on in order to understand what they're trying to say? The USA has five times the population of Great Britain, but our entire country has fewer dialects than you find in two adjoining English counties. Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool: they don't fool me, they're making it all up as they go along. And the further north you go, the more indecipherable it gets. I tried watching a show set in Scotland, dear God. Called An t Eilean, the dialogue is in a jumble of Celtic and English, a hash which might as well have been Urdu. Confusingly, the little scraps of English I could understand did not always match up with the subtitles. That was enough to convince me to give up, especially in conjunction with the plot holes (the action opened with some woman in Paris getting a call from her father in Scotland saying he'd been shot. Dude, wut? I don't care how thick your accent is, surely you could figure out how to call an ambulance).
So why do I stick it out with these shows? Because when they're good, they are so much better than American ones, looking at you, Law & Order, the mega franchise that will not die. Anyway I got to go, I have a cold case waiting that depends on an illegal search (are warrants not a thing in England?) and I have to figure out what the slang Gilly is insulting Cletus with.
Guys:
I ADORE VERA!!!!! I have the whole series on DVD. And I'm a huge fan of the original Inspector Morse, and Midsummer Murders, Shakespeare and Hathaway, Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries and Grantchester
ReplyDeleteI also like private dicks.
I'm sorry you're so misguided about Vera, but I'm with you on your other choices, especially the very stylish Miss Fisher
DeleteIf you haven't seen it already, try to see the Prime Suspect series starring Helen Mirren. Much of the series is set in Greater London, so you only have to deal with the umpteen dialects found there.
ReplyDeleteThe squinter may need to see an optometrist.
Anonymous, too
I've seen prime suspect, but I could always go back for more, I love Helen Mirren
DeleteHa! Welcome to Britain, dear Peenee! Not only are our own regional accents difficult for Americans to get to grips with - but on my daily bus route to the Tube, I am bombarded with just about every variation on East European/Middle Eastern/African lingo under the sun. Where's the bloody Babel Fish when you need it? Jx
ReplyDeletePS Mr "frowny-face" will do quite nicely, thank you.
Whichever part of London is the one where they pronounce "th" with an an "f" needs to shut up
ReplyDeleteApologies, that would be me in the souf east. I no longer live there though, and my accent has improved unless I get cross.
DeleteSx
You might like Father Brown (I love it) it's set in the 1950s when everyone spoke nicely with hardly any foreigners in it, so there is no need to wear a stab vest. From the 1990s there is Hetty Wainthrop investigates starring the bucket woman. I would like to further investigate photo number 5.
ReplyDeleteI do enjoy Hetty Winthrop and her very cute assistant.
DeleteTry Happy Valley, or Blue Lights, or Line of Duty. For comfort viewing I like MacDonald and Dodds - set in Bath.
ReplyDeleteAs for accents, I have almost given up with American shows due to mumbling, and also have to use subtitles.
Sx
Apologies for mumbling.
DeleteI used to watch Juliet Bravo (you only really have to deal with the Lancashire accent - think 'Coronation Street') and The Bill (London) when I was very, very much younger, but don't watch any cop shows now as they all seem to be dark and mumbly.
ReplyDeleteIn the mid-90s, however, The Thin Blue Line was much more entertaining!
Now, I don't suppose there are any surfing tutorials brought to us by the letter D?
Nude surfing, it has a big future.
DeleteCan't stand Vera, not sure how they keep making it! That's just me, though, seems to be quite popular .
ReplyDeleteSquinting black and white hunk is my favourite of this batch
Frisk me daddy looks like he’s ready to jump everybody’s favorite cellmate!
ReplyDelete-CA jock