Is that stupid Mercury back in retrograde AGAIN? Because I am in the midst of a string of small time disasters.
Last week I was on my way to the chiropractor riding in Waymo (the local driverless robot taxi, because I am a fancy boy.) I hopped out, took two steps and realized I was wearing my sunglasses and my regular glasses had fallen out of my pocket in the backseat of the car that was disappearing into the distance.
When I turned to my dear friend Diane von Austinburg to complain about the loss, she very perceptively asked if I had lost another pair of glasses because she knew that I had just replaced my sunglasses less than a month ago. That's why it's important to remember dear friends can actually know too much. I have now decided to simply staple these new glasses to my forehead.
I was already brooding about these annoying and very expensive calamities when I thought to console myself with a cookie. The very first bite included something much harder than you would expect in a chocolate chip cookie. When I fished it out of my mouth it turned out to be a crown.
My dentist, God love her, got me in the very next day to reattach the crown. Inspection of the site where it used to live revealed a small cavity, the first one I've had in years. She breezily assured me she would fill the cavity without any numbing since the nerve there had been removed originally and before I could marshal any protest based on how horrifying that idea is, that's exactly what she did.
So the obvious answer to all this misplacement is to simply never leave my apartment again. If I can't see and I can't chew, I will simply have to sit here in the dark waiting for the end.
Boys I wish I could find:
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