Is that stupid Mercury back in retrograde AGAIN? Because I am in the midst of a string of small time disasters.
Last week I was on my way to the chiropractor riding in Waymo (the local driverless robot taxi, because I am a fancy boy.) I hopped out, took two steps and realized I was wearing my sunglasses and my regular glasses had fallen out of my pocket in the backseat of the car that was disappearing into the distance.
When I turned to my dear friend Diane von Austinburg to complain about the loss, she very perceptively asked if I had lost another pair of glasses because she knew that I had just replaced my sunglasses less than a month ago. That's why it's important to remember dear friends can actually know too much. I have now decided to simply staple these new glasses to my forehead.
I was already brooding about these annoying and very expensive calamities when I thought to console myself with a cookie. The very first bite included something much harder than you would expect in a chocolate chip cookie. When I fished it out of my mouth it turned out to be a crown.
My dentist, God love her, got me in the very next day to reattach the crown. Inspection of the site where it used to live revealed a small cavity, the first one I've had in years. She breezily assured me she would fill the cavity without any numbing since the nerve there had been removed originally and before I could marshal any protest based on how horrifying that idea is, that's exactly what she did.
So the obvious answer to all this misplacement is to simply never leave my apartment again. If I can't see and I can't chew, I will simply have to sit here in the dark waiting for the end.
Boys I wish I could find:
Have you considered those glasses that turn dark under direct sunlight? I've got those and they're really helpful, you needn't carry separate sunglasses.
ReplyDeleteRE Exibit 1, where can I pick up one like that
I think there's already a line for Exhibit 1. Sorry
DeleteThe Madam and you are evidently "soul sisters", because inadvertently losing things - several pairs of glasses, bank cards and phones have disappeared into some wormhole over the years. I, on the other hand, sympathise entirely with various bits of teeth, crowns and fillings coming off. My dentist and I are almost like drinking buddies, I see him so often. 😎
ReplyDeleteYou don't need teeth to pay service to those sausages - I'd fight Alex for Exhibit 1! Jx
My dentist seemed very impressed when I mentioned that the crown was more than 40 years old. I got my money's worth out of it.
DeleteDon't use staples to fasten your glasses to your head -- you'd lose the stapler and staple remover! Velcro would work better. (PS: Waymo has a lost-and-found. Contact their Rider Support team.) (Gee, that sounds dirty.)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, too
Thanks, I did contact Waymo immediately, and their chatbot gave me a incident number and assured me they were right on it and then I never heard from them again.
DeleteExhibit A is far too pretty for his own good, but perhaps he'd oblige if you said you'd lost your glasses and use your hands to "see" him? I'd happily chuck my contact lenses away if it meant I could "see" him in that way - and the Cheetos/Vegan boy, too!
ReplyDeleteThe exhibit boy is certainly popular this week. It just shows my readers have such good taste
DeleteExhibit A has a passing resemblance to Gary Barlow - though Gary was never as fit as that. Maybe Gary's head has been stapled to a better body?
ReplyDeleteSorry to read that you have been losing specs - how about attaching them to a chain?
Sx
You're pouring 1/2 & 1/2 into your coffee but happen to think about putting the washed clothes into the dryer and suddenly you're knee deep in table cream. It's all a joy.
ReplyDeleteWould love to get some rug burn from #2.
ReplyDeleteLooks like two are in position for the other three :)
ReplyDelete-CA jock