Tuesday, March 3, 2009

In Every Home, a Heartache


photo swiped courtesy of Palnetfabulon.
What are these people thinking? Don’t they realize early exposure to pink kitchen appliances causes homosexuality in children? Just look at that little fruit, there’s obviously no hope for him. Dad at least seems to have caught on to the tragic implications of the family’s misdirected decorating choices and has retired to the patio with a two gallon jug of martinis to brood about the future, a future marked by junior making increasingly sardonic bon mots Dad just doesn’t get. Mom, of course, is oblivious, but that’s mostly due to her intake of Prozac, Paxil, Seroxat, Lexapro, Celexa, Valium and Zoloft. And gin.

8 comments:

  1. GOOD Christ! HER dress looks like an "Armani" shirt I used to wear. I stopped sporting it when the dry cleaner shrank it. Yeah, I think that's what they did; it shrank. Like right across my man boobs.

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  2. Thank God I grew up in a house with butch harvest gold appliances.

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  3. That explains a lot. We had one of the first glass Corning cook tops. I’m a shallow homo...as shallow as a Corning ware dish.

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  4. Sometimes I want to go back in time and shake my parents: "What were you thinking? What sane couple takes their five-year-old to Mary Martin concerts? Makes him wear shorts-suits to church? Teaches him needlepoint Christmas crafts? Starts him on his first silver pattern at eight? Let's him stay up all night with Vaudeville Grandma watching the PBS Lillian Gish marathom? What?"

    "And thank you!"

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  5. Avocado green had a similar effect on a certain young gayling, so fabulous pink kitchenware isn't the only culprit.

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  6. yeah, but where can i GET them!

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  7. Toss a formica boomerang countertop into the equation and see where THAT gets you!

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  8. What is that boy sticking in his mouth? Oh well- practice makes perfect.

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