Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Walmart Abuse

Do I condone smacking some brat screeching nonstop in public? Certainly not. Do I understand the desire to do so? Oh my yes. Personally, I'm a grouchy old man and a kid with a broken volume control is one of those things that make me twitch with rage. But I control myself; I pick up my giant 36 pack carton of Ramen and get the hell out of Walmart. I do not lay into the little spawn of Satan and if I did, I certainly wouldn't leave witnesses to point me out to the cops.

But that would appear to not be the M.O. of one Roger Stephens of Stone Mountain. I can commiserate, but not excuse him. He's 61, stuck in a Georgia Walmart, his days as a hot stud are so far behind him he can't even see them in the rear view mirror and now this kid will not SHUT THE FUCK UP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH.


STONE MOUNTAIN, Ga. – Police say a 61-year-old man annoyed with a crying 2-year-old girl at a Walmart slapped the child several times after warning the toddler's mother to keep her quiet.

A police report says after the stranger hit the girl at least four times, he said: "See, I told you I would shut her up."

Roger Stephens of Stone Mountain is charged with felony cruelty to children. It was unclear if he had an attorney and a telephone call to his home Wednesday was unanswered.

Authorities say the girl and her mother were shopping Monday when the toddler began crying. The police report says Stephens approached the mother and said, "If you don't shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you."

Authorities say after Stephens slapped the girl, she began screaming.

Really, haven't we all been there before?


  1. Bottom line: There is far too much unnecessary breeding.

  2. I can understand the annoyance of some screaming child, but if some dude did that to my kid, he'd look alot worse in his mug shot than he did in that story....

  3. I'm sorry, but really - anyone who has to slap a child four times before it pipes down is the rankest of amateurs. One well-aimed sideswipe should be able to have Junior seeing stars 'til Tuesday...

  4. You're in WalMart, man.
    Head to the duct tape aisle and tear off a piece and slap THAT over the kid's mouth.

    I've done it and never been arrested!

  5. Slap the mother. That's what I'd have done.

  6. I can't get past the idea of Mr. P in a Walmart. . . .

  7. @Diane: Mr. P. was shopping for a new caftan.

  8. What's the problem here? Like Jason, I think the old feller should have slapped the mother and THEN the kid!

    However, after years of working in retail in my youth when loads of unsupervised and unruly children ran amongst the dresses, La Diva found that a sharp "HEY, Knock it off" combined with "the look" can really shut most kids up. It's all about "the look."

  9. Paul Lynde to the mother of a screaming child, on an airplane, in the 1960s:
    "Madam, if you won't control your child... I am going to have to fuck her".

    I have had so many recent dining experiences ruined by parents who won't/can't control their kiddies. When I was a tyke, my parents taught me how to behave in a restaurant. Of course, I was 50yo when I was 5.

  10. Miss J is no fan of the squalling children. Or of the children in general. "Seen and not heard" springs to mind. She thinks there should be at least one day of the week when they are not allowed out in public so that the rest of us may shop and dine in peace. And don't let her commence discussing trying to maneuver shopping aisles blocked by strollers. Nevertheless, she does not believe in hitting them. Miss J was hit many times as a child and it only served to make her more evil. If some creep had done that in her presence, she'd have taken a tire iron to him. See? Evil.

  11. See, this is where y'all are all wrong: this story completely supports my 'one hand gun per person' mandate.

    I figure there'd be a lot less bullshit in the world if everyone was equally armed and ready to take pot shots at random. Not including babies, though; maybe mothers could carry two guns. I'm still working on this theory.

  12. I agree with Muscato, a left hook square on the temple would have done it followed by a right hook to the child's mother with a triple blow to the stomach just in case the bitch is carrying again.

  13. This is why Secret Lady Places should remain secret, and not a gaping maw through which mucus-covered, squalling brats inflict themselves upon society.


In Which We Take a Trip

  I was reminded of the following story by this charming illustration I stumbled across on Tumblr.  It is a sheet of blotter acid from back ...