Friday, November 12, 2010


R Man's sisters arrive Saturday for a week-long visit.

If you want me, I'll be hiding under my bed.

Before we got married, I kept trotting out the same tired joke "I can't get married and yet I have in-laws. Where's the justice?" Now that we have actually jumped the broom, I still ask that.

I know I haven't spoken much about R Man's condition; it's dire. We had a little chat with his oncologist this afternoon and he said the chemo has done all it can do, the cancer continues to grow and R Man will start hospice this next week. I've promised him that he will die at home. It looks like we're closing in on that; maybe a few months, maybe not even that. He is so weak and so frail, it's hard to watch. Amazingly, he remains in good spirits.

Our friends have turned to and are helping out immensely, especially the sainted Gaye, Tim and Diane. Yay for you guys cause I was getting wore out. I seem to have found a second wind with their help, but this is still a bad, bad time.

So now into all this we get to stir R Man's sisters, one I'm very fond of, the other... oh dear god, the other. Manipulative and crazy and abrasive and, I don't know, any other harsh adjective that you can come up with. I foresee the next few days as slightly less amusing than a root canal. I plan on going into the office early and staying late. I may start sleeping there.


  1. No words here beyond tired cliches that seem, well, tired. I can't begin to imagine how you find the focus to blog under the pending circumstances. It sucks. Period.

    I, too, had two 'sisters-in-laws.' One never visited the entire 26-years we were together; the other did visit and opened the dialogue about "we know you're gay/still love you" etc. She was sorta cool.

    Both, no doubt, will crawl out of the woodwork, though, if the EXbf's estate plans play out per his wishes. Knowing what I'm up against I have to wonder where his two sisters were while I dragged his limp, drunk ass to bed, or cleaned up peed bedding, or swept up broken glassware, etc. during his raging alcoholic years. Funny thing; families.

    Peace to you.

  2. I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

  3. Everyone has a "manipulative and crazy and abrasive" person in their life but not everyone has a Gaye or a Tim or a Diane.

    We'll be thinking of you and R Man.

  4. Oh Peenee, you do know that there's not a day goes by I don't send good energy out there to you both. I'm serious.

    It smells like a poboy, wafting on the wind....I hope.

    Cancer is one thing, but family, well, there's no cure for that yet either, I guess.

  5. If she's manipulative and crazy and abrasive, she's probably (hopefully) a tad bit nosy as well. If that's the case, perhaps you could innocently leave this blog post open in a tab on the computer, no?

    Love you and thank you for keeping us informed, it means a lot to me.

  6. how's this? in the grand scheme of things, she is so not important, so treat her as such.

    so sorry.

  7. One week from today. And I know you hate the phone, but please call if you need to vent. One week. And all love.

  8. I am so sad reading your post. My heart goes out to you Mr. P.
    My husband only has 1 family member left, a somewaht estranged brother, but I still feel extrordinary empathy.
    White light? Hugs? I wish I could give you something that would help.

  9. thought about your plight for over one whole day..
    as i am want to do...
    played this scene by default(many times) ... my oscars belong to me.
    (usually i keep all this private).
    you are who you are, my dear, and the "R" man has chosen wisely... that will not be taken from him & i am sure he knows that....

    you both are loved.

    life is very hard sometimes...
    and as my father used to say...

    press on regardless...

    love & goodvibes

  10. So, my husband was diagnosed with cancer this year, and it had been going on for a while, and he's better with treatment...and what a shock. And we didn't tell his S'Mother. She'd have a dinner party with all her friends and relatives, where he'd be commanded to be the help, for his benefit, of course.

    So, you are in my thoughts. And yes, it does make you mad when the close relatives are a problem. Best wishes.

  11. Honey ... I'm here in town. I know you have a lot going on (uh, that's a rather trite understatement) but if you want to get away for a cup of coffee, shoot me an email.

    Much love.

  12. Mr. P,

    This is sad news. Knowing it was coming eventually doesn't make it any easier to read. You and your R Man are both in my thoughts and prayers.

  13. I am truly sorry to hear about your RMan... It is such a terrible diagnosis.

    In lieu of sharing my own stories of caner, I am sending you peaceful vibes from out in the universe.

  14. I think Felix has an excellent idea. Let her stumble across this blog entry; or, if you wish to be more direct, simply say, "You are manipulative, crazy and abrasive; I don't like you; and you are a guest in MY home. So watch it, toots!"

    So sorry to hear of R Man's prognosis... sending you all good thoughts and love.

  15. You know where I have been these past two months, so I know exactly where you are now. You have all of my good Karma focused on you both.

    As for Vampira's visit, stand your ground; you have no reason to run and hide. She is the guest. Explain the rules to her very clearly, up front. When we got to this point I found it very wonderful to dispatch those buzzing around off on little errands. They probably regret asking if they could "do anything" for me, because I certainly had them doing stuff - like cleaning the toilet or the bathtub, or taking the rubbish out for mom.

    This one neighbor who my mother said ran around town as if she were better than everyone else asked what she could do for us, and as penance for her attitude I had her go and buy adult diapers for Mom. Of course Mom never needed them, it was just to watch that woman squirm.

    Remember to eat and rest. Being a caregiver to someone you love so very much can take a toll on you.



  16. Sweetie, words fail right now, but if you need an out with some queen you've never met (Although I have lived in the Castro since Cliff's was the Castro Theater), Please email me at the above, and we can have coffee at the only restaurant that you ever appear in in your posted photos. Also please know that you are loved, both by those who know you in person, and those of us who have an unreasonable sense of knowing you through your blog. Take care of R man, and let others take care of you.

  17. I am thinking of you and R. Man, and wishing you strength and love.


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