Monday, March 26, 2012

Gaystrology

I'm pretty sure I have no truck with astrology. After all, my own birthday is the day after that of R Man's father, and that poisonous old fart was the nastiest iceberg of toxic waste I have ever met so maybe it's just that I hope there is nothing to the notion that the heavens rule our spirits.

There may be, though, an overlooked horoscope sign: the Gay Icon. In the less than four week spread between mid March and early April we have

Liza Minelli, March 12. "Hold it together, Minelli."

Joan Crawford, March 23. "Don't fuck with me boys."

Aretha Franklin, March 25 (seen here in her short run Yes, I Skinned Big Bird, Whatcha Gonna Do About It Bitches? cabaret act.)

Diana Ross, March 26. "I'm just gonna run down to the corner for some 40's and then I'll be ready for another goddam chorus of Toss Me in the Morning."

Bette Davis, April 5. “I'm the nicest goddamn dame that ever lived.”

If only Judy Garland (June 10, bizarrely enough) were in the mix, we could rename the whole thing as Mary Month and be done with it.

26 comments:

  1. You overlooked April 13, the birthday I share with that red-hot, red-haired founding father Thomas Jefferson.

    Yes, I know. Not quite as good as if there was a trifecta of Elizabeth Taylor, Carrie Fisher, and RuPaul, but. . .

    Damn, I think I need an antidepressant now.

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  2. PS: Saw the photo of Ms. Ross. CODE BLUE: We need radiator paint, push brooms, feather dusters, and Earl Scheib on her face, STAT!

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  3. Oh, every month is Mary Month - I'm not 'til May, and I share my natal day with Beatrice Arthur.

    Still, it is quite a concentration of ferocity...

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  4. No matter what sign you are... sang Diana Ross. Of all the star signs Aries are the bravest, most suited to the outdoor life and are least fussed about hair and make-up as Diana has proved in the above photograph, doesn't she look rough? Aries regardless of whether they're men or women (they're both equally butch) are physically and mentally stronger than most of the other star signs which makes them suitable for work stunning the heiffers at the slaughter house, felling trees and drowning kittens for fun.

    I share my birthday with Grace Jones May 19th. Isn't that nice?

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    Replies
    1. This Aries (who, instead of drowning them, trains kittens to scare pit bulls) had worked up a rant on Mitzi's comments, but since Mitzi's a Taurus who can't spell "heifer". . .well, enough said right there.

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  5. On the plus side, my birthday is the same as Isadora Duncan's. On the minus: Henry Kissenger.

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  6. What has happened to MISS Ross? I'll tell ya: she's breaking down like like a Yugo.

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  7. Peenee, I'm not surprised you were born in Mary Month.

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  8. Let’s see what else is in Miss Ross’s shopping cart.

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  9. Even though I'm Gayquarius, I like to think that I'm an honorary Mary Month member due to the fact that I was born on the same day as Carol Channing.

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  10. March comes in like a Liza, leaves like a Bette. Or is that the other way around?

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  11. Thank you Anonymous, for the correct spelling of the word "heifer". I'll sleep a lot better tonight, knowing that.

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  12. Apropos of nothing, I apparently share the 15th July with Inigo Jones.

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  13. Don't forget Dame Elton! She would not be amused!

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  14. Let's re-title the month: Maryary.

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  15. dames. the whole lot of them, just a bunch of fabulous dames. someone may share their birthday with kabuki, but kabuki cannot be bothered to find out who they may be, May 20th is MINE bitches.

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  16. Mitzi, you're welcome, you lazy cow. (It's Anonymous, too, dear). You see, we rams know elderly bovines often have trouble sleeping. BTW, when can my kittens come over to scare your pit bulls into crapping themselves?

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    Replies
    1. I know the bottomless pit that is the ARIES. Lay off Mitzi, anonymous bitch.

      Attack me all you want I got your shallow number.

      No more feeding the troll.

      Good Bye.

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  17. P.S. to our gracious host, Mr. P: Maybe it's time to do an entry on how you and the evil and adorable Saki have alphabetized your china cupboards. . .;-)!

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  18. What the hell's going on here? The tone of this bar is definitely gone down hill.

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  19. less important than the spelling of heifer is the above spelling of minnelli.....
    ; )

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