Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Retired



A year ago, I posted the following:
But why can't I be a Lady of Leisure? I have the attitude, I have the wardrobe (three pair of cashmere socks and some almost-clean tee shirts,) I have stacks of things to sit around reading, and I had 18 petit fours, but they seem to have been eaten. If it wasn't for this stupid "employment" thing, I would be good to go. Just this afternoon, I was trapped in a committee meeting and thought, "Now this, this is the wrong life."

So now, my whining dream finally has come true. On January 14, I filed my application to retire and now it has finally fought its way through the byzantine paths of federal personnel actions and as of March 16, I am retired, an ex-civil servant. Yes! Say it with me girls, I am OUT. I win. All it took was 22 years of listening to the public complain that I was not doing enough for them as I pondered where to go for lunch. Suck it bitches.

I worked for the Small Business Administration. I was a Business Development Specialist. I wrote press releases and speeches and dealt with the media (bitches) and made charming little speeches about topics I knew almost nothing about to the great unwashed. I developed and administered a training program of more than 400 classes attended by about 10,000 small businesses each year. I learned how to spell the word "entrepreneur." I kicked out an old lady who insisted on bringing her cat with her to class. I was the go to guy for any design decisions because I was the office homo. I frequently ate cheese enchiladas for lunch.

And now all that is behind me.

My attendance once R Man got sick was spotty anyway, and by the time he was actively dying, I just stopped even pretending to go in. Everybody was cool with that. When he died, I announced I was not coming back, period, and that I was filing for an early, disability based retirement. Everybody was not cool with that, assuring me it was rash decision I would regret.

Let me see, retirement: getting paid for not working. What's to regret? Anyway, I ignored their advice (as I so often did) and now I'm out and cheerful as all fuck about it. I have regarded the time since R Man died and I just have hung out, doing nothing, as practice. Turns out I have real talent for this, talent I have been wasting all these years in the office. Saki digs it.

16 comments:

  1. You just go ahead on, Peenee. I'm so jealous. I'll never be in that position and I imagine cans of cat food and one bare light bulb to be in my future.

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  2. Have a wonderful retirement Mr Peenee you've deserved it! Ayem8y, You want to get yourself one of those sissy maids advertised on the internet they are such a boon! I've imagined my future too, it's scary. My life at 60. I've turned into a pigeon fancier who is disgusted by sex and cuts her own hair with a blunt knife.

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  3. Welcome to the world of the ideal poor. I always think of Catherine Deneuve in that great vampire film The Hunger..."I am afraid you would think my idle. My time is my own."

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  4. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, peenee, you are a role model in so many ways.

    I'm eating cheese enchiladas for lunch in your honor today, dammit.

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  5. You, retired? Hardly. Sweetie, you are simply too young to be retired! To be retired you have to be on oxygen.

    Why not consider yourself a "Leisurist"!

    A leisurist is one who is engaged in the profession of living one's life without that nine to five worry.

    Still, congratulations!

    BTW - I love that picture of you and RMan.

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  6. Congratulations! I hope that you enjoy your new life of leisure!!!

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  7. Congratulations Mr. Peenee!

    With all this leisure time, perhaps you should go thrifting and get some leisure suits to be all leisurely and stuff in.

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  9. Wow. You finally graduated! Now to be the lady of leisure you were always meant to be...

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  10. Welcome to the world of the Idle Bitch...
    Congratulations...

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  11. I dig it too, sweetie! Congratulations!

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  12. This gives you plenty of time to work on your Barbie Cabaret.

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  13. Oh bitch...join me in the ranks of gloriously 'retired'. Only mine wasn't of my own doing and I walked away after 20-years servitude with zip, nada, zilch.

    Perhaps a crochet class or mixology. Actually combine both and surprise me at Christmas.

    PS- if I still smoked I'd light one up for your victory over the working masses. {Benson & Hedges Lights Menthol, bitches}

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  14. Ahhh!
    Lunch with Miss Otis......
    I am SO positively GREEN right now...

    Think of me when you have your next bloody... even if its a virgin.

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  15. Jesus! I'm gone from my buddies for a little bit and look what happens! Peenee this absolutely thrills me!

    Having been raised by (and even being one myself once) Federal employees I know how great this must feel. I'll also never forget that you once went out of you way to help me without being asked.

    Hopefully your leisure will lead you Hollywood way sometime soon. I know good thrift shops, the coffee pot is on, and the ashtrays are (sorta) clean. Let's smoke!

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