Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sweet Dreams

I understand other, lesser mortals regularly have dreams about being faced with an exam or class they have not prepared for, Anxiety Dreams they're called. I can't remember ever having one, which probably says less about my anxiety level and more about my casual attitude towards education.

The only dreams I ever have that fit into a category are the walking-around-Kmart-in-my-underwear ones and ones where I have some task to do that starts off simple and gets more and more complicated and less accomplishable. Sort of the OCD of the unconscious.

Last night I had a lovely one wherein I was chopping up lines of cocaine. Let me point out I have done no coke since George Bush the First was in office and yet my sleeping mind decided it was time to revisit ancient history. I was always a very tidy drug abuser and meticulous about the preparation of coke rails. They had to be evenly spaced and the same size and no messy debris between them. Okay, so maybe my OCD is not restricted to my dream state.

Anyway, in this dream I had an enormous mound of nose candy to deal with and it kept getting bigger and then I realized there were multiple piles. Oh, the burden. Plus someone in the next room was playing Living La Vida Loca and I was annoyed, which sounds much more realistic than an excess of cocaine does.

All the while I was busily railing up, I was anticipating not actually snorting it, but tidying up the leftovers with my index finger and then rubbing it on my teeth and gums. That is actually another element of reality since that was a step I always included when I did coke. I loved the way it tasted.

Anyway, I never did get it all lined out in the dream, but when I woke up I immediately remembered the time I took a bunch of cocaine to a friend's wedding to help celebrate the nuptials and how, more than thirty years later, she's still mad she didn't get to indulge cause she was busy getting married. Set your priorities girl, that's what I say.

You know what goes good with cocaine?

Muscley partly naked young men and Bordeaux cookies.


  1. sheesh...well, the cocaine and the muscley partly naked men are far too expensive for me.

    Heck, who am I are the Bordeaux cookies.
    I guess I'll just have to settle for rubbing them on my teeth instead.

  2. You're going to Paris. You get no sympathy from me.

  3. No comment on the cocaine and cookies but with my new monitor I can see all the pores on your face.

  4. Um well, it wasn't all that long ago that I did some lines. Doing so brings out my selfish nature. If I am doing all the work, chopping, procuring, razor blades, mirrors, straws or dollar bills, then I deserve a fatter line!

    I'm a piggy like that.

    BYW - you're not missing much. The stuff these days is shite and is usually mixed with crystal. Which you don't discover until you go bonkers a few hours later when you can't go to sleep for five days.

  5. Whenever I dream about taking drugs, when I wake up, for just a fraction of a second, it seems like I am feeling the effects had I really taken them.

  6. I did cocaine once, way back during the Reagan administration and frankly, I just felt like I normally did. So it held no allure.

    Then, about ten years later after I tried to off myself, they put me on Zoloft and for the first time in my life, the drugs did what they were supposed to do and my mind slowed down enough to view the world as most sane people see it.

    Now, I get high riding roller coasters. I feel like such an old fart.

  7. Drugs? I don't know what you're talking about!

  8. Maybe this is due to the fact that I never did anything stronger than pot -- and not since The Empress Nancy was in the White House -- but why does your houseboy look like he's wearing a porcelain mask??

    Enquiring, expiring, and currently unadulterated minds want to know.

  9. I used cocaine once 'down there' I couldn't sit down afterwards, for fear of sucking up the furniture.

  10. I am sorry to be an Emily Post here, but cocaine is all wrong for the wedding day, as it is the traditional gift for the 2nd anniversary.

    I don't get coke: expensive,lasts a short time & makes you cock limp.


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