Sunday, November 4, 2007

Fugly Furniture


O dear. We went to the San Francisco Mart's public sample sale on Saturday and to the Home Depot’s schmancier outlet, the Expo, today and I can’t even describe the horrors we saw there. The Mart is a collection of showrooms supposedly to the trade, but I can’t believe any being paid for their style would have anything to do with this crap. All the showrooms were stuffed with the exact same squat, massive pieces. Vaguely baronial or Louis XV, but not really, they look like what they are: fussiness passing as good taste. If you crossed the overwrought Mediterranean of the late 60’s with the funeral parlor stylin that competed with Art Deco in the 30s, you’d get this. It’s what Carmela Soprano would get wet for in decorating. It’s the complement to all those Tuscan villa Mcmansions squatting in the suburbs. You got a great room? These are the hulking behemouth sofas and love seats and loungers for you. You can look at them and see the lines the manufacturers have bastardized, like a fauteuil that’s run off to join the clown college.

5 comments:

  1. "Next up for bid on The Price Is Right is this lovely baronial, Louis XV, Mediterranean late 60’s inspired, funeral parlor, Art Deco, Tuscan villa, fauteuil." "David, What is your bid?" "Um...eww...One Dollar, Bob..."

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  2. I love reading your well informed foreign furniture speak. It's like reading French, I can understand a little bit, but it all sounds great.

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  3. I was totally gonna say, it's all for the McMansions. And the idiots who buy into that ideal buy the whole thing, lock, stock, and barrel. Big furniture, big TVs, big cars, big debts, big denial. Don't get me started on these less-evolved creatures. They are part of the reason I look forward to everything crashing down, which is inevitable and has already started. Viva la Apocalypse!!!

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  4. "If you crossed the overwrought Mediterranean of the late 60’s with the funeral parlor stylin that competed with Art Deco in the 30s, you’d get this. It’s what Carmela Soprano would get wet for in decorating. It’s the complement to all those Tuscan villa Mcmansions squatting in the suburbs."

    Honestly, MrP, I'm dazzled at how you put to words what I've often thought.
    Perfectly expressed!

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  5. O Jason, you're too kind. And where were you when I was gagging in the La Z Boy showroom?

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