You know what I think would be a really good idea? Anesthesia on demand. It worked for Michael Jackson, right up to the point where he all died and stuff, so why not for me? I would set up appointments for all the owie stuff that I dread, go under and let the owie teams go at it. Teeth cleaning and dental work? I have you down for 10:00 to 11:15. Dermatological removal of broken blood vessels around my nose? You’re up. Colonoscopy? Eeks, ok, I’ll squeeze you in at 11:30, but don’t dawdle.
It’s brilliant. Even the electrolysis of Secret Lady Places for those of us who are not technically Ladies and whose places are hardly Secret, yes, even that. This way everyone who puts off these unpleasant but necessary upkeep items will jump on my Conked Out Bandwagon cause then they get all of it out of the way AND they get to get loaded. This is health care reform that we could sell. I bet Rush Limbaugh already does it.
I'm all for anesthesia on demand and for patient requested euthenasia but what I want to know is how did you get that pic of Rush with his head in the crotch of Mr Hottie?
ReplyDeleteYou laugh, but since right now I'm juggling trying to decide whether to deal with my dental phobia (it usually takes a lot of novocaine and gas to get me in the chair for a cleaning) or to head to the dermatologist for a good old-fashioned mole-scraping, I think an all-in-one all-day anesthesia session might be just the ticket!
ReplyDeleteGetting old is hell.
I'm just loving the wanton use of the term Secret Lady Places!
ReplyDeleteThat's a good idea, but universal doctor-assisted blow jobs would be even nicer, I think.
ReplyDeleteJason, you must have a MUCH cuter doctor than I do.
ReplyDeleteI don't need anesthesia on demand, but Vicodin on demand? WooHoo! Or even doctors who aren't paranoid to give it out.....that would be okay, too.
ReplyDeleteFrankly I'm waiting for a Xanax-based energy drink so I can do unpleasant tasks much faster without caring so much.
ReplyDeleteI stand by you on this issue Mr.P!
ReplyDeleteI think pain killers over the counter would be a good move also.
I like the use of astral projection when I undergo procedures. It's also nice during long boring conversations with my neighbor concerning her cats.
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